Sometimes you need a good laugh on a Monday!

CONGRATS TO MY PERSON!

In La Jolla April 2011

It was my bestie's birthday on Friday, and she called to tell me that her boyfriend PROPOSED!And she said YES!!!

CONGRATULATIONS L.E.! Can't wait to have D.B. join the family.  LOVE YOU MUCHOS!!

DAMN YOU I-70!

Ok, this weekend is the 2nd weekend I have attempted to go skiing, and the 2nd weekend IN A ROW that I have turned my butt around due to traffic on I-70. In my 10 years of skiing experience I can probably count on one hand how many times I have turned around.  And now, I am 2 for 2.

I left for the mountains at 6:30 am this weekend - normally a decent time frame to be on the mountain by 8:30 am.  However, since everyone and their mother was going this weekend, we hit traffic.  In Morrison.  Now, while I love skiing, I am not about to sit in the car for 4 hours to accomplish 3 hours of skiing and then 4 more hours in the car.  Not gonna happen.

Don't even get me started on how jealous I was of everyone's facebook posts about the pow-pow this weekend. 

I am going to ski both days this upcoming weekend, come hell or high water :)

Why my dog is the best dog in the world...

 Cali is the best fur child in the world.  Why is this, you ask.  Well, for starters, she looks like this:

Instagram cuteness in your face. 

She lets me mohawk her hair.  She will pretty much eat anything I try and give her. When I come home at lunch, she is so freaking excited to see me, its unbelievable.  I know, maybe you guys think that she is just excited to go pee, but I really think that she is jacked up to see me.  She wags her tail in all directions, not just back and forth. Sometimes, when she is really excited, she will make it go in full circles.  She is the best "fetcher" in the world. She will sleep in a curled up ball or only fully stretched.  When she is REALLY tired, she will sleep like this:

She has the best smile.  Yes, my dog smiles - get over it.  She is the best part of my day (besides waking up and going to bed next to N).  If you stop petting her when she is on top of you, she will kick her back leg as a "friendly reminder" that you better NOT STOP PETTING ME! When I am on speaker phone, she likes to get all up in my face/next to the phone so she can hear the conversation too. She is the best vacuum cleaner ever - I seriously NEVER have to clean my kitchen floor. 

However, I mostly love Cali cause she looks like this when she is cuddling with you.  Peaceful, blissed out, and content.

Dogs seriously rock. 

HAPPY BIRTHDAY SEESTER!!!

I LOVE YOU LOTS AND LOTS! 

FYIF - Word Vomit Edition

FYIF readers - wow, it has been a long time since I have said that!  Thankfully the weekend is here, and all is well.

~RIP Sarah Burke. You were an inspiration to all female skiers, and the mountain will be a bit darker this weekend.  Her wedding video may make you cry. 

~After that somber note, I am headed to the RODEO tonight. N and I were talking today, and we cannot determine who would be a better cowboy. I know how to ride a horse (even though I am deathly scared of them!), I have milked a cow, and I own cowboy boots. N said that he grew up in the country, has shot a deer and has driven an old Lincoln town car through fields at night in high school. I told him that he sounded more redneck then cowboy.  He said that there was a fine line between the two. 

~So, my credit card got jacked by some smart felon in Mexico.  My CC company called me and told me this person actually made a magnetic strip of my CC, cause he/she was physically swiping my card.  I hope you enjoy the $6,184.22 worth of furniture you purchased on my card within the last 3 days.  If it is furnishing a beach house, the LEAST you could do is invite me for dinner.  Or a long weekend.  Asshole.

~I got the Ad Hoc book for Christmas with my aunt.  I think that this Saturday I am going to attempt to cook my first recipe from it.  Maybe the buttermilk fried chicken is calling my name.  I actually really love this book, especially Thomas Keller's philosophy on cooking.  Fabulous read. 

~Lots of hits on my other website.  No job offers. Come on guys!  Give a lady a break!

~On ABC Family last night, they played Stepmom and then Steel Magnolias. Holy crap ABC Family - are you just trying to make me cry on a Thursday night?

~It has to be said that my shower is just the most awesome shower on the planet. I mean, why would I want a shower that stays the same consistent temperature and water pressure all the time? I love the thrill of not knowing when my shower is just going to randomly change from freezing cold to scalding hot without touching the faucet. It is even better when it decides to change temperature when I am mid shampoo.  Again, so awesome, refreshing and satisfying.

~My Seester's birthday is on Monday.  N and I are taking her to Colt and Gray for her birthday on Tuesday evening.  Hope she enjoys it.  HAPPY BIRTHDAY WEEKEND SEESTER! I LOVE YOU.

Does anyone know what starts in 2 days, 10 hours and 36 minutes from now?

It's GIRL SCOUT COOKIE TIME in Colorado.  You all know how I feel about Girl Scout Cookies...

I would even buy some from the grocery store whores.

Ok, I posted this, and then found A GIRL SCOUT COOKIE LOCATOR app for your iPhone. I swear, someone is swiping my business ideas.

I am going to eat my office supplies at my desk

Reason #1,394,297 on why I need to find a new job.  My boss has banned any eating at our desk. If we would like to eat, we have to physically clock out, walk over to our kitchen, and consume any food in there, and then walk back to our desks, and then clock back in.

Did I mention that I am a salary employee, and I have to clock in and out of my job everyday? 

I get it. She is trying to prevent people having food all over their desks.  But, if I want to eat a GRANOLA BAR or AN APPLE, I have to leave my desk to finish it.  I am sorry, but I am one of those "I have to eat every 2-3 hours" kind of people, so this shit is not flying with me. Rather than quietly eat my breakfast bar at my desk and answer emails productively, I have to leave my desk, inhale my breakfast bar in the kitchen like a crazy squirrel who has not eaten in 6 days, and then run back to my desk.  We also have an office of 7 people (yes, 7 people total) and since it is a corporate location for our products, we NEVER have people visit us.  Again, it would be one thing if we had constant visitors in and out.  We don't.

And it is 10:33 am, and I am so hungry that I think I may have to start consuming my business cards for sustenance, as I cannot clock out today since I am needing to take a full lunch.  Paper has fiber, right?

Micro managing at it's finest.

Honey, there is a reason they call it a JOB....

Ok, so, my blogging has been lacking as of late. I am aware.  I know that I have been a slacker, and I owe you precious readers at least some drunk crafting, or a good story or two.  However, please check out my other blog that I have been working on:

www.hireolivia.com

I have made the decision that I am in need of a new job, and so this is the year.  In desperation, I am asking you readers to refer me to a job that you think I would be a great candidate for.  I realize that this raunchy and private blog is not probably the best place to post job inquiries, however desperate times call for desperate measures.  Please refer all future employers over to www.hireolivia.com instead of this lovely blog.  THANKS!!!

Another year down

...and another pub crawl accomplished.  Man, was I in massive pain Sunday (and, frankly, yesterday too).  But, it was a success. Beers were consumed, Broncos lost, however a good time was had by all.  Dan - another successful year accomplished. Next year is your 30th, so we may need to move this thing to Vegas...

Birthday Kids

And a BIG PROPS to my man, N, who set up the entire thing.  Thanks lovie!  You da best!

So Handsome! 

PUB CRAWL TIME!

OK Denver people.  This Saturday.  Liv & Dan's 4th Annual Birthday Pub Crawl (and 6th Annual party!) has come upon us.  Above is the map.  Show up. Trust, this is going to be awesome.  And for you Tebow's team Broncos Fans, we did accommodate for the game.  So, don't worry, we can watch the game and drink.

Saturday, January 14th.

THE ROUTE that based on the distance, one could actually CRAWL!!!

3:30 PM - Blake Street Tavern 2301 Blake St
5ish PM - Breck Brewery 2220 Blake St
7:30ish/Halftime - Whiskey Bar 2203 Larimer St
9PM/End of Game - The Ginn Mill 2041 Larimer St

NFL Playoff Schedule
Saints @ 49ers 2:30PM
Broncos @ Pats 6PM


SEE YOU THERE!

Hello 2012.

I am alive. I survived the holidays, only being called a heinous bitch once by my mother (She was not joking). 

I survived new years, only to call a friend a heinous bitch after they kicked my ass in Apples to Apples (I was mostly joking... mostly)

2012.  Year of the heinous bitch. 

Drunk Crafting... With FOOD!

Hey Readers,

So, this last weekend, I drunk crafted with FOOD!  Yeah - booze and sugar = one hyped up LivDenver.  I decided to take on... CAKE POPS!  I found this idea courtesy of Bakerella, and since I was going to a Christmas party that evening, I thought that this would be a great treat to bring! My friend Liz (I know, I know, no initials, but she won't mind) made them for a party earlier in the year, and told me how easy these are to make.  So, I accepted her physical challenge, and decided to make cake pops. That look like Christmas trees.  That's some crafty shit. 

Alcohol of choice: Hottie Toddies (apple cider with grand marnier)
Supplies Needed: A box of red velvet cake mix
a tub of cream cheese icing
"pop" sticks
Styrofoam blocks
green melting chocolate (get extra, cause I f-ed up on my chocolate, and had to get more)
sprinkles
patience, and an empty freezer.

Ok, pour yourself a drink (what, it is 11 am in the morning? That is a perfect time for a hottie toddie!!)  Sit down and watch toddlers and tiaras while the oven preheats for your cake.  Make cake box mix according to box (not difficult)  I choose to make red velvet cake mix, cause when you bite into a green Christmas tree, you get a red center. I know, so creative, right?!?!?

Yummy cake batter.

 Bake cake according to box. Let cake cool while you continue onto your 2nd drink, and watch more toddlers and tiaras.  Once cake has cooled, crumble cake into a large mixing bowl and take the full tub of frosting and dump it in there.  Mix up the frosting and then cake mix with your hands until you have a wet cookie dough consistency.  Take another drink, as you realize the red velvet cake mix has now dyed your hands for the party tonight, and you are going to have to take a long ass shower to get that shit out.  On a cookie sheet lined with parchment paper, roll a cone shape* bite sized piece of the cake mixture.  Continue doing this until you have around 3 dozen cake cones. Put in freezer for another toddlers and tiara's episode.

*Everyone asked how I rolled a cone shape.  Simple - its a lopsided ball.  Easier to make while drunk.

 Once your cones have firmed up in the fridge, grab a small amount of melting chocolate, and melt it. Don't forget to refresh your cocktail. (ps, look at package on how to melt. and make sure that your chocolate does not get too hot. More on that later.) Take one end of your "pop" stick and put a small amount of chocolate on the end.  Shove it up the bottom part of the cone.  Continue this process for the remaining cake pops.  Don't worry, they DO look like little turds on the end of a lollipop stick.  You are doing this correctly.

YUM - Green ended turds!

A close up shot. See the green melted chocolate on the bottom?

 Put your pops back in the freezer, and return to toddlers and tiaras for another episode.  Refill drink.

Melt more chocolate*, and dip your turds cones into the chocolate.  Tap off excess and make a "tree" design with a fork (just swish it around to create the illusion of "leaves).  Add sprinkles (I used extra large stars on top and colored sprinkles for the "ornaments" aka balls.) In your styrofoam, stick the pop in so they will dry upright.  Repeat a million times (while drinking) and put in refrigerator until ready to go to the party/pass out and eat later.

*When melting chocolate, be sure that you do not overheat it. I made this mistake, because I was drunk it was my first time making these.  Your chocolate will end up thickening beyond use, and you will have to send your man friend to the grocery store because you are drunk you don't want to leave this project.  He will then call you asking where the melting chocolate section is, and 30 minutes later will come back with 6 bars of white chocolate and neon food coloring. Fortunately, you will have regular food coloring, and will be drunk, so you don't care.

Take dried pops out of styrofoam, and wrap up styrofoam in appropriately themed wrapping paper (please note my fabulous silver paper with a purple ribbon). Put pops back in, and bring to party. Let everyone admire your work, and try to inhale some appetizers while enjoying the free booze. 

Come on, they came out pretty cute!!

 This is SUPER DUPER TIME CONSUMING, but it is really really easy to do.  And, I swear, they are delicious!!!!  Also, if you want less muddled instructions, really do go visit Bakerella's website.  She is way craftier than I am, and also is sober.

LOOK HOW AWESOME MY MAN IS!!!!!

I GOT A BIKE FOR CHRISTMAS!!! A PURPLE CRUISER WITH A BASKET, A CUP HOLDER, AND A BELL!! I am going to be the cutest person riding around the park this summer, as I have a kick ass bike to put Cali in.  This post and this post came true, except it is BETTER than a Wal Mart bike!!

Yea, I know I owe you all a drunk crafting post (later today) but I AM SO EXCITED ABOUT MY BIKE.  THANKS N!!!!

HOLIDAZE!

Hey Kids, swear I am alive. I have a great drunk crafting post for you all, and I also have to update you guys on an awesome holiday party I attended over the weekend. Unfortunately, work is taking over, so you guys are going to have to wait.

On that note, one week until my birthday!!!