Liv Denver

Pinterest. I need a tutorial

2012-02-15T12:10:00.001-07:00

Yep Kids, jumped on that bandwagon. Played around today (added the below instagrams to my account, cause I am fucking awesome, and everyone will want to repin me... and a btw, in that sentence, my spell check picked up instagram and repin. Guess Google is not too up to date on these websites. Get with it Google!)

I don't get it. At all. Please help. And send girl scout cookies. What? I told you, I ONLY BOUGHT 5 BOXES. LAY OFF ME!

This is becoming an instagram filled blog

2012-02-15T11:22:00.001-07:00

It felt like a fishtail kind of day....

Dont Worry. I already bought 5 boxes...

2012-02-15T11:01:00.001-07:00

Give me cookies or give me death!

HVD Everyone!

2012-02-14T08:59:00.000-07:00

Since I ran out of my apartment before I could snap a photo of my totes cute Valentines Day outfit, this is coming atcha from my office. Note the hearts on the shirt - yep, I am cool like that!

HAPPY VD Everyone! Especially N. Love you tons, and am looking forward to spending the evening with you.

Have you ever...

2012-02-08T15:44:00.002-07:00

...cut yourself on a staple moments before a presentation, and proceeded to bleed profusely throughout the entire presentation while trying to hide your bloody finger AND your heinous manicure?

Yea, me neither. And it most certainly did not happen today.

But, if it did, do you think I need to go get a tetanus shot? I have not had one since high school (or even earlier than that...)

Monday Morning....

2012-02-06T10:35:00.000-07:00

Oh, it is Monday again... so bizarre how that happens every week.

~ Made it up to A Basin this weekend. Remember when I bought these way back when? Well, I finally got my new ski boots fitted to my skis. Got up to A Basin, put on my new boots, and made ONE RUN. By the end of the run, I was crying in pain. Poor N. He promptly drove us back to Denver and to the nearest Colorado Ski and Golf to get my boots fitted. One hour later, I should be ok in these boots. Going skiing this weekend to test them out. Will let you know if I am withering in pain, or kicked ass on the mountain. Lets hope it is the kicking ass...

~Oh Superbowl Sunday. I ate too much, drank too much, and thoroughly enjoyed the Voice. Wait, there was a football game on?

~I learned how to play euchre this weekend. Fucking awesome card game. Also had a great time with our friends. Such a good time, that they texted us the next morning. N compared it to a great first date. I liked that comparison.

~We also had a game night on Friday night with another couple. S - I swear, I will get you my split pea soup recipe, as long as you give me that cake recipe. Man, that was awesome. However, probably the best part of the night - we made up Scattagories and played for an additional hour. At this point, I was starting to fade, however the fresh scent of competition lulled me out of my tired state, and I ended up all Monica Geller style of game play (mainly in that I did not agree with a lot of N's word choices for select categories).

~Good luck tomorrow B on your test! I am rooting for you!

N's Backyard - Snowball Fight anyone?

~We also had a massive snow storm in Denver on Friday. The mini cooper successfully made it to work after 10 minutes of N pushing me out of my parking lot. I got to work, left work at 2 pm, and my car remained in my parking lot of my apartment complex until this morning. I could tell it was a ton of snow as Cali did not even come close to clearing the snow drifts that accumulated. Did you know that dogs that are very little do not like to poop in this snow? I get it. I don't think I could do that if I had snow touching my butt.

~Coffee is my savior this morning. Thank you coffee.

~I have a feeling that February is going to fly by. And I also have a feeling that this may just be my 'Monday's" of months. But, isn't February almost always like that?

Team Peeta!

2012-02-02T12:29:00.001-07:00

The new Hunger Games trailer came out today! YES

Send some positive thoughts

2012-02-02T08:53:00.001-07:00

This is my good friend Sung's grandmother. Please send some positive vibes his way. She is still in critical condition, but is now talking. I sent this via email to my parents, as it was all over their local news, and my dad replied with the below comment. I think he stated it perfectly:

It is so sad that human animals are stocking little elderly ladies. This is the lowest of the low lives lurking in the Richmond--El Cerrito area.

I cant believe there are people like this in the world. It shocks and disgusts me. But, as my dad also pointed out, the human body is the most amazing thing in this world, and it has a will to survive unlike anything else. And my dad would know - he is a doctor. Much love to you Sung!!

SNOW!

2012-02-02T08:47:00.001-07:00

http://beta.local.yahoo.com/news-massive-winter-storm-headed-towards-denver

And just like that, it is February 1st...

2012-02-01T09:49:00.001-07:00

Hey Readers,

It's February 1st. Remember when you were growing up, everything took SO LONG! Like, you were never going to be 8 years old, you were just going to be 7 and 3/4th FFFFOOOOORRRRREEEEEVVVVVVEEEEERRRRR. And now, time flies even quicker and quicker. I kinda hate it. I wish time would slow down a bit. Or, maybe I need to relish the time I have more and more.

If you catch up with my blog roll at all, you should check out my friend R's blog The Devil is in the Details.He decided to slow down and enjoy moments. I need to do that. However, sometimes it is really hard to do that if you are not fully content in all aspects of your life. And, yes, there are moments where I realize that DAMN, if I am not one of the luckiest people I know, but those are sometimes few and far between. R, I could take some pointers from you. Less TV, more talking. Less Facebook, more real interaction.

Let me know how your re-entry goes!

Sometimes you need a good laugh on a Monday!

2012-01-30T11:34:00.000-07:00

CONGRATS TO MY PERSON!

2012-01-30T11:04:00.001-07:00


In La Jolla April 2011

It was my bestie's birthday on Friday, and she called to tell me that her boyfriend PROPOSED!And she said YES!!!

CONGRATULATIONS L.E.! Can't wait to have D.B. join the family. LOVE YOU MUCHOS!!

DAMN YOU I-70!

2012-01-30T10:59:00.002-07:00

Ok, this weekend is the 2nd weekend I have attempted to go skiing, and the 2nd weekend IN A ROW that I have turned my butt around due to traffic on I-70. In my 10 years of skiing experience I can probably count on one hand how many times I have turned around. And now, I am 2 for 2.

I left for the mountains at 6:30 am this weekend - normally a decent time frame to be on the mountain by 8:30 am. However, since everyone and their mother was going this weekend, we hit traffic. In Morrison. Now, while I love skiing, I am not about to sit in the car for 4 hours to accomplish 3 hours of skiing and then 4 more hours in the car. Not gonna happen.

Don't even get me started on how jealous I was of everyone's facebook posts about the pow-pow this weekend.

I am going to ski both days this upcoming weekend, come hell or high water :)

Why my dog is the best dog in the world...

2012-01-25T15:40:00.000-07:00

Cali is the best fur child in the world. Why is this, you ask. Well, for starters, she looks like this:

Instagram cuteness in your face.

She lets me mohawk her hair. She will pretty much eat anything I try and give her. When I come home at lunch, she is so freaking excited to see me, its unbelievable. I know, maybe you guys think that she is just excited to go pee, but I really think that she is jacked up to see me. She wags her tail in all directions, not just back and forth. Sometimes, when she is really excited, she will make it go in full circles. She is the best "fetcher" in the world. She will sleep in a curled up ball or only fully stretched. When she is REALLY tired, she will sleep like this:

She has the best smile. Yes, my dog smiles - get over it. She is the best part of my day (besides waking up and going to bed next to N). If you stop petting her when she is on top of you, she will kick her back leg as a "friendly reminder" that you better NOT STOP PETTING ME! When I am on speaker phone, she likes to get all up in my face/next to the phone so she can hear the conversation too. She is the best vacuum cleaner ever - I seriously NEVER have to clean my kitchen floor.

However, I mostly love Cali cause she looks like this when she is cuddling with you. Peaceful, blissed out, and content.

Dogs seriously rock.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY SEESTER!!!

2012-01-23T10:57:00.002-07:00

I LOVE YOU LOTS AND LOTS!

FYIF - Word Vomit Edition

2012-01-20T09:18:00.002-07:00

FYIF readers - wow, it has been a long time since I have said that! Thankfully the weekend is here, and all is well.

~RIP Sarah Burke. You were an inspiration to all female skiers, and the mountain will be a bit darker this weekend. Her wedding video may make you cry.

~After that somber note, I am headed to the RODEO tonight. N and I were talking today, and we cannot determine who would be a better cowboy. I know how to ride a horse (even though I am deathly scared of them!), I have milked a cow, and I own cowboy boots. N said that he grew up in the country, has shot a deer and has driven an old Lincoln town car through fields at night in high school. I told him that he sounded more redneck then cowboy. He said that there was a fine line between the two.

~So, my credit card got jacked by some smart felon in Mexico. My CC company called me and told me this person actually made a magnetic strip of my CC, cause he/she was physically swiping my card. I hope you enjoy the $6,184.22 worth of furniture you purchased on my card within the last 3 days. If it is furnishing a beach house, the LEAST you could do is invite me for dinner. Or a long weekend. Asshole.

~I got the Ad Hoc book for Christmas with my aunt. I think that this Saturday I am going to attempt to cook my first recipe from it. Maybe the buttermilk fried chicken is calling my name. I actually really love this book, especially Thomas Keller's philosophy on cooking. Fabulous read.

~Lots of hits on my other website. No job offers. Come on guys! Give a lady a break!

~On ABC Family last night, they played Stepmom and then Steel Magnolias. Holy crap ABC Family - are you just trying to make me cry on a Thursday night?

~It has to be said that my shower is just the most awesome shower on the planet. I mean, why would I want a shower that stays the same consistent temperature and water pressure all the time? I love the thrill of not knowing when my shower is just going to randomly change from freezing cold to scalding hot without touching the faucet. It is even better when it decides to change temperature when I am mid shampoo. Again, so awesome, refreshing and satisfying.

~My Seester's birthday is on Monday. N and I are taking her to Colt and Gray for her birthday on Tuesday evening. Hope she enjoys it. HAPPY BIRTHDAY WEEKEND SEESTER! I LOVE YOU.

Does anyone know what starts in 2 days, 10 hours and 36 minutes from now?

2012-01-19T13:23:00.000-07:00

It's GIRL SCOUT COOKIE TIME in Colorado. You all know how I feel about Girl Scout Cookies...

I would even buy some from the grocery store whores.

Ok, I posted this, and then found A GIRL SCOUT COOKIE LOCATOR app for your iPhone. I swear, someone is swiping my business ideas.

I am going to eat my office supplies at my desk

2012-01-18T10:33:00.002-07:00

Reason #1,394,297 on why I need to find a new job. My boss has banned any eating at our desk. If we would like to eat, we have to physically clock out, walk over to our kitchen, and consume any food in there, and then walk back to our desks, and then clock back in.

Did I mention that I am a salary employee, and I have to clock in and out of my job everyday?

I get it. She is trying to prevent people having food all over their desks. But, if I want to eat a GRANOLA BAR or AN APPLE, I have to leave my desk to finish it. I am sorry, but I am one of those "I have to eat every 2-3 hours" kind of people, so this shit is not flying with me. Rather than quietly eat my breakfast bar at my desk and answer emails productively, I have to leave my desk, inhale my breakfast bar in the kitchen like a crazy squirrel who has not eaten in 6 days, and then run back to my desk. We also have an office of 7 people (yes, 7 people total) and since it is a corporate location for our products, we NEVER have people visit us. Again, it would be one thing if we had constant visitors in and out. We don't.

And it is 10:33 am, and I am so hungry that I think I may have to start consuming my business cards for sustenance, as I cannot clock out today since I am needing to take a full lunch. Paper has fiber, right?

Micro managing at it's finest.

Honey, there is a reason they call it a JOB....

2012-01-17T10:04:00.004-07:00

Ok, so, my blogging has been lacking as of late. I am aware. I know that I have been a slacker, and I owe you precious readers at least some drunk crafting, or a good story or two. However, please check out my other blog that I have been working on:

www.hireolivia.com

I have made the decision that I am in need of a new job, and so this is the year. In desperation, I am asking you readers to refer me to a job that you think I would be a great candidate for. I realize that this raunchy and private blog is not probably the best place to post job inquiries, however desperate times call for desperate measures. Please refer all future employers over to www.hireolivia.com instead of this lovely blog. THANKS!!!

Another year down

2012-01-17T09:59:00.001-07:00

...and another pub crawl accomplished. Man, was I in massive pain Sunday (and, frankly, yesterday too). But, it was a success. Beers were consumed, Broncos lost, however a good time was had by all. Dan - another successful year accomplished. Next year is your 30th, so we may need to move this thing to Vegas...

Birthday Kids

And a BIG PROPS to my man, N, who set up the entire thing. Thanks lovie! You da best!

So Handsome!

PUB CRAWL TIME!

2012-01-10T14:48:00.002-07:00

OK Denver people. This Saturday. Liv & Dan's 4th Annual Birthday Pub Crawl (and 6th Annual party!) has come upon us. Above is the map. Show up. Trust, this is going to be awesome. And for you ~~Tebow's team~~ Broncos Fans, we did accommodate for the game. So, don't worry, we can watch the game and drink.

Saturday, January 14th.

THE ROUTE that based on the distance, one could actually CRAWL!!!

3:30 PM - Blake Street Tavern 2301 Blake St
5ish PM - Breck Brewery 2220 Blake St
7:30ish/Halftime - Whiskey Bar 2203 Larimer St
9PM/End of Game - The Ginn Mill 2041 Larimer St

NFL Playoff Schedule
Saints @ 49ers 2:30PM
Broncos @ Pats 6PM

SEE YOU THERE!

Hello 2012.

2012-01-04T15:15:00.000-07:00

I am alive. I survived the holidays, only being called a heinous bitch once by my mother (She was not joking).

I survived new years, only to call a friend a heinous bitch after they kicked my ass in Apples to Apples (I was mostly joking... mostly)

2012. Year of the heinous bitch.

Drunk Crafting... With FOOD!

2011-12-22T10:38:00.002-07:00

Hey Readers,

So, this last weekend, I drunk crafted with FOOD! Yeah - booze and sugar = one hyped up LivDenver. I decided to take on... CAKE POPS! I found this idea courtesy of Bakerella, and since I was going to a Christmas party that evening, I thought that this would be a great treat to bring! My friend Liz (I know, I know, no initials, but she won't mind) made them for a party earlier in the year, and told me how easy these are to make. So, I accepted her physical challenge, and decided to make cake pops. That look like Christmas trees. That's some crafty shit.

Alcohol of choice: Hottie Toddies (apple cider with grand marnier)
Supplies Needed: A box of red velvet cake mix
a tub of cream cheese icing
"pop" sticks
Styrofoam blocks
green melting chocolate (get extra, cause I f-ed up on my chocolate, and had to get more)
sprinkles
patience, and an empty freezer.

Ok, pour yourself a drink (what, it is 11 am in the morning? That is a perfect time for a hottie toddie!!) Sit down and watch toddlers and tiaras while the oven preheats for your cake. Make cake box mix according to box (not difficult) I choose to make red velvet cake mix, cause when you bite into a green Christmas tree, you get a red center. I know, so creative, right?!?!?

Yummy cake batter.

Bake cake according to box. Let cake cool while you continue onto your 2nd drink, and watch more toddlers and tiaras. Once cake has cooled, crumble cake into a large mixing bowl and take the full tub of frosting and dump it in there. Mix up the frosting and then cake mix with your hands until you have a wet cookie dough consistency. Take another drink, as you realize the red velvet cake mix has now dyed your hands for the party tonight, and you are going to have to take a long ass shower to get that shit out. On a cookie sheet lined with parchment paper, roll a cone shape* bite sized piece of the cake mixture. Continue doing this until you have around 3 dozen cake cones. Put in freezer for another toddlers and tiara's episode.

*Everyone asked how I rolled a cone shape. Simple - its a lopsided ball. Easier to make while drunk.

Once your cones have firmed up in the fridge, grab a small amount of melting chocolate, and melt it. Don't forget to refresh your cocktail. (ps, look at package on how to melt. and make sure that your chocolate does not get too hot. More on that later.) Take one end of your "pop" stick and put a small amount of chocolate on the end. Shove it up the bottom part of the cone. Continue this process for the remaining cake pops. Don't worry, they DO look like little turds on the end of a lollipop stick. You are doing this correctly.

YUM - Green ended turds!

A close up shot. See the green melted chocolate on the bottom?

Put your pops back in the freezer, and return to toddlers and tiaras for another episode. Refill drink.

Melt more chocolate*, and dip your ~~turds~~ cones into the chocolate. Tap off excess and make a "tree" design with a fork (just swish it around to create the illusion of "leaves). Add sprinkles (I used extra large stars on top and colored sprinkles for the "ornaments" aka balls.) In your styrofoam, stick the pop in so they will dry upright. Repeat a million times (while drinking) and put in refrigerator until ready to go to the party/pass out and eat later.

*When melting chocolate, be sure that you do not overheat it. I made this mistake, because ~~I was drunk~~ it was my first time making these. Your chocolate will end up thickening beyond use, and you will have to send your man friend to the grocery store because ~~you are drunk~~ you don't want to leave this project. He will then call you asking where the melting chocolate section is, and 30 minutes later will come back with 6 bars of white chocolate and neon food coloring. Fortunately, you will have regular food coloring, and will be drunk, so you don't care.

Take dried pops out of styrofoam, and wrap up styrofoam in appropriately themed wrapping paper (please note my fabulous silver paper with a purple ribbon). Put pops back in, and bring to party. Let everyone admire your work, and try to inhale some appetizers while enjoying the free booze.

Come on, they came out pretty cute!!

This is SUPER DUPER TIME CONSUMING, but it is really really easy to do. And, I swear, they are delicious!!!! Also, if you want less muddled instructions, really do go visit Bakerella's website. She is way craftier than I am, and also is sober.

LOOK HOW AWESOME MY MAN IS!!!!!

2011-12-21T07:41:00.001-07:00

I GOT A BIKE FOR CHRISTMAS!!! A PURPLE CRUISER WITH A BASKET, A CUP HOLDER, AND A BELL!! I am going to be the cutest person riding around the park this summer, as I have a kick ass bike to put Cali in. This post and this post came true, except it is BETTER than a Wal Mart bike!!

Yea, I know I owe you all a drunk crafting post (later today) but I AM SO EXCITED ABOUT MY BIKE. THANKS N!!!!

HOLIDAZE!

2011-12-20T07:53:00.001-07:00

Hey Kids, swear I am alive. I have a great drunk crafting post for you all, and I also have to update you guys on an awesome holiday party I attended over the weekend. Unfortunately, work is taking over, so you guys are going to have to wait.

On that note, one week until my birthday!!!

And now you know what I am going to try and top all weekend long...

2011-12-14T08:36:00.001-07:00

Harry Potter Weasly Gingerbread House

Do you think I have enough alcohol to try and drunk craft this??!??!

Yes, I DO say all this shit!

2011-12-13T07:57:00.000-07:00

Ok, I have been posting a ton of youtube videos today, but if you have 1:19 minutes/seconds in your day, this shit will crack you up! I ABSOLUTELY SAY ALL THIS SHIT!!

I love Christmas. Just ask my apartment.

2011-12-12T14:17:00.000-07:00

One of my 3 Christmas trees...

Or as my sister so gracefully put it:

"You think you like Christmas? My sister has 3 Christmas trees. In her 2 bedroom apartment"

I'm da best!!

2011-12-12T11:12:00.000-07:00

N and I went to Lime on Friday night. I bought a Groupon. The groupon included a fabulous dinner for 2, including an appetizer, 2 entrees, and a pitcher of margaritas. Needless to say, we were tipsy after dinner.

So, how did we continue our date night? Going dancing after boozed up on tequila? Maybe hitting up Dazzle to go listen to a jazz band? Continuing the party bus by meeting up with friends for bar games and more drinking?

Nope, we went to the liquor store, bought local Colorado beer, went back to my place and played Super Mario Brothers on Wii. For 6 hours.

6 hours.

And I had the best time. I am not sure if this constitutes us as old farts, as we were back from our date so early that we had 6 hours to play Wii, or if this makes us high school kids who came home early from dinner to play video games in their parents tricked out basement. Although, I don't have a basement...

I, legit, thought this was an SNL parody.

2011-12-09T08:00:00.000-07:00

Pretty sure Rick missed the day in elementary school when we learned how this country was founded on the separation of church and state.

A German Sparkle Party Tebowing Moose Head?

2011-12-07T15:41:00.001-07:00

And then this happened this weekend. Oh yes.

So, if you have yet to check out what a German Sparkle Party is, I will allow you the next 4 minutes to view the you tube video.

You good? Did you see it? You did? GREAT!

Cause this is, hands down, the BEST THEMED PARTY EVER. Comfortable rain boots to dance in? Check. Awesome black tiger stripped leggings? Check. A tiger print sequined tank top? Check. A gorgeous sequined beret to only be covered by a stuffed animal moose head that was mounted in your rental condo? DOUBLE CHECK!!!

While my body had the audacity to get a head cold last Friday (right when we were headed up to Steamboat), I still persevered through. This party is only awesome if you are a)drunk enough and b)man (or woman) enough to OWN YOUR OUTFIT. N looked fabulous in his leopard print leggings and sheer shirt (also courtesy of Forever 21.)*

However, we neglected to remember that Steamboat is a small ass mountain town. Meaning that a racist, homophobic, and antisemitic coal miner shoved me twice at the bar after telling me that his grandfather was Adolf Hitler, and that he was glad that he "burned all those jew f*ggots." Not kidding. N almost beat the shit out of him, and we all were 2 seconds away from causing the biggest German Sparkle Party bar fight west of the Mississippi. This small blimp on the radar was the only downside of an otherwise epic fight, but man, was I heated.

I really don't have any tolerance for hateful talk, and the one thing that can really get me going are the use of the word "f*ggot". You sound like an ignorant fuck, and extremely unintelligent. I have a zero tolerance policy of that word, and you immediately are viewed as a dumb fucking idiot in my book. Think of a better insult than that. At least get creative and call someone a butt face before you use such derogatory terms.

Ok, whew, over the rant. Sorry about that.

So, at any rate, go get your sparkle on and have a dancy dance. In your rubber boots. With Vodka. LOTS OF VODKA!

*You know, it is semi concerning that my man looks good in Forever 21 size large ladies clothing. And by looking good, I mean that his junk was the only thing you could stare at. However, this is not a new experience for N. Most of his Halloween costumes are either based around a one piece or tights. Or a tight one piece.

Happy Birthday Month to....

2011-12-01T08:00:00.001-07:00

ME!!! (I want you to picture me saying that like Reese Witherspoon in Legally Blonde when she finds out that she gets the coveted internship. Cause that's the way I say it.)

And Jesus. I guess I can include him in the festivities. I am pretty much forced to every year.

This year, I am turning 28. Let's just say that 27 had some ups and it most certainly had some downs. I feel like 28 is going to be a better year. N made a comment that it is kinda cool that I can sum up my birthday years with actual calendar years. I guess that is a better way of looking at things rather than my birthday is right around a crapton of holidays.

So, 27 years old brought N back to me, lots of travels with work, a couple of great vacations (including getting out of the country), my gorgeous puppy getting older (and more mellow), a couple of new friends, epic skiing time, and some great memories. I think I am just going to stick with that versus the negative.

So, happy birthday month to me! Send vodka.

It's SNOWING

2011-12-01T07:51:00.000-07:00

Do you like to dancy dance?

2011-11-30T08:02:00.001-07:00

2 Items of note:

I will be here this upcoming weekend:

Steamboat Springs - the last cowboy town in Colorado

And I will be participating in this type of party. Do you like to dancy dance? I wore my party pants...

FYI..W?!?!? Am I actually happy it's a WEDNESDAY?

2011-11-23T08:39:00.001-07:00

Well, YEAH I am happy it's a Wednesday when a Wednesday means that it is FRIDAY!!!

~Best FB status I read regarding last nights debate:
"I usually never watch scary movies, and definitely not when I'm alone, but now I'm sucked in... so can someone please come over and watch the end of the GOP National Security Debate with me?" Thanks Sadie!

And, now, since Thanksgiving is TOMORROW, I am going to let you know what I am thankful for:

~My period. This means I am not pregnant, and the only child in my life is my fur baby, Cali. Who I am also thankful for.

~My gym. I will eat an assload of fatty food tomorrow, and then proceed to have to burn it all off before Christmas. The gym will assist me in doing this.

~My couch and large screen TV. Where I will be parked after all said food is consumed.

~My hairdresser. I will look even prettier than I usually do after 6 pm, and the therapy session always is great. Oh, and she feeds me wine.

~My drinking habit and love for cooking. Both will go very well together tomorrow.

~My sister and N. Tomorrow, it is just the three of us, and there is no judgement in this group about the extra booze consumed, the infinite watching of Harry Potter, and the gross amounts of food we ingest. What can I say, we are glutenous sloths.

~Newsies, the musical movie by Disney. Cause I am never not thankful for that glorious cinematic masterpiece.

~The fact that someone TP'ed N's house over the weekend. He and I are pretty sure it is a friend, as this TP job was a bit amateur (They used 2 ply and got into the backyard. I know that teenagers are smarter than that. Anyone who is anyone uses 1 ply TP and only hits the front of the house.) And getting TP'ed at 31 years old is hysterical, I don't care who you are. I think it was awesome, and it brings a smile to my face every time I think about it.

~Oh yea, I guess the friends, family and love I have had over the last year. So, thanks for that. :)

HAPPY TURKEY DAY EVERYONE!

Kisses and Vodka,
Liv

In case you were concerned...

2011-11-22T07:57:00.001-07:00

You bet I saw it twice this weekend.

As if there was a question.

And yes, I loved her wedding dress and the sex scenes.

November 16th, 2012 is a long time to wait for the 2nd movie.

Is It March Yet?!?!?

2011-11-14T11:20:00.000-07:00

More Alcoholic Crafting Time

2011-11-14T08:51:00.001-07:00

Hey Kiddos - I crafted even more this weekend! (Well, really over the last week). I found this awesome felt wreath idea on notmartha, (directions for this can actually be found at All Things Simple) and thought to myself that I could TOTALLY make this craft in a few hours, and super impress everyone with my awesome craft like skills. HAHA. This actually took me about a week to make, but I think the end result was worth it. I am using this as a center piece versus a hanging wreath, with a candle in the middle for my coffee table and my dining room table.

Last Sunday, I decided to have amnesia, and go to Joann's Fabrics during a sale week after church let out. Needless to say, I was there for an hour and a half. Again, I just choose to forget that Joann's is a circle of personal hell. So, I acquired all the needed products to make this wreath (yes, just a run at Joann's will get you everything you need, and instead of having to go to both Michael's and Joann's, you can limit you craft store hell time to just one trip!). I promptly went home, and demanded that N make me a bloody mary, as I needed to forget about the last 2 hours of my life.

Here is what you will need:
~A Styrofoam wreath (I used a 10 inch extruded form styrofoam - get the extruded)
~ 2 yards of Heavy Duty Felt (this is to make 2 wreaths - I got 2/3 of a yard of red, light and dark brown. If you get 2/3 of a yard, the 3 in circles will fit PERFECTLY!)
~One 15 oz can of anything from your pantry (you use this for your template for circles. Much easier than trying to find/make a 3" circle template!)
~Dressmaker Pins (Size 17 or 1 1/18" size)
~Fabric Scissors
~2 bottles of wine, 4 bloody mary's, a full DVR of shows you want to catch up on, and a hell of a lot of patience.

DIRECTIONS:
Step 1: Recover from awful craft store visit by chugging a bloody mary.
Step 2: Lay out your fabric, and trace your 15 oz can onto your felt with a pen. You will need right around 384 circles (NOT EXAGGERATING) for 2 wreaths. I made my wreath fairly tight (that's what she said), but if you would like a looser looking wreath (you hussy), then you will probably only need right around 300 circles.

This will take you one week, with 2 bottles of wine, 3 "The Sing Off" shows DVR'ed. That is how long it takes to cut these many circles

Finished Product! That's a hell of a lot of circles

Circles with Styrofoam wreath - about to get all up and crafty in here! That is 192 circles for one wreath. Yeah, I know, it looks a lot less impressive than it actually is.

Step 3: Yeah! Your circles are cut! Apply those band aids to the blisters your fabric scissors created on your hands, and grab a celebratory drink (or your 2nd bloody mary)
Step 4: Take your circles. Fold in half. Fold in half again Pin through the bottom of the folded circle, and push it into the Styrofoam wreath. Proceed to have 2 more bloody mary's on hand with a football game going on in the background (remember, you have 192 circles per wreath, so this is gonna take a while)

Back of wreath. Note to alternate the way you are pinning the circles, and randomize your colors to get a more "whimsical" look. Yep, just busted out the word whimsical. FML.

Pin your wreath until you cannot see the white styrofoam anymore. You will get the hang of it Finish your bloody marys. Admire your hard work. It should look like this:

One of two wreaths. Yes, you too can make these if you have a million extra hours on hand, and lots of vodka!

If you would like to see how to attach a ribbon, go to the links above (and, in fact, if you want better directions, go to the links above). Drunk Crafting at it's finest!

FYIF - 11.11.11 Version

2011-11-11T11:40:00.001-07:00

~Yep, that's right, it is 11.11.11. First off - HOLLER TO ALL VETERANS! You guys rock and I am so impressed with everything you do for our country. Hat's off to you. Secondly, I would like to say a big congrats to my friend Erin, who had her baby boy on 11.1.11, and my friend Andy who had her baby boy TODAY. Two kick ass birthday's if you ask me. Third on the list, I was totally that girl that made a wish when it was 11:11 on the clock, so you know I made a ton of wishes today. One for world peace, cause that's good for karma. The other is that the new H&M that opened yesterday in downtown Denver has not been completely picked through, and that there is some cute stuff still out for me next week. I don't think either wish will come true, but a girl can dream, can't she?

~Since today is Veteran's day, N had it off (again working for the government rocks) and we were going to have lunch together. And then my boss up and changed that game plan, and we are having a lunch/staff meeting. Bummer.

~I went to Sephora last night for their "VIB event." (yep, that's right, I spend so much money here, they invite me to exclusive parties. where I go and spend more money. FML) I broke down last night and purchased Bare Minerals as my new makeup. Yes, I got the starter kit, including the mineral veil, which my friend C informed me that it makes her "look like an angel". However, since the lady at the counter applied the whole thing on me, I have promptly forgot how to apply. Thank goodness for YouTube. I am positive this is the only makeup I have ever purchased that legit comes with a DVD of how to apply it.

~I also bought new eye cream, a travel size of my regular face lotion, and something else. Again, please let me get out of Sephora without spending more than $100. It is physically impossible.

~Hey Bubblesworth -when am I coming over to play with your precious child AND drink heavily with you?

~Mentioning birthdays above, I have 2 birthday parties I am headed to this lovely evening. One is a Napa theme for my dear friend S, and another is a night out on East Colfax for my guys friend C. Since it is C's actual birthday today, I have been put in charge of making sure he takes a shot at 11:11 this evening. I am hoping I can make it that long.

~I am really working this awesome head cold/maybe I have allergies in November thing. For some reason, I am sneezing every 5 minutes, and my nose is running like crazy. But my snot is clear. Thus, allergies? Feel free to discuss the color of my mucus in the comment area below.

~If you have an IPhone, download Cross Fingers. You may not get any work accomplished today, but lets face it - It is Friday. What else are you going to do with your afternoon?

Where did 2 hours of my life go?

2011-11-09T09:59:00.002-07:00

This weekend, I was flipping through the channels, got bored, and got up to get a drink of water. When I sat back down on my couch, I realized that I stopped on the E! channel. And happen to catch the beginning of "The Girl Next Door". Not the TV show with Hugh Hef and the 3 ladies (who all, ironically, have their OWN reality tv shows on E! as well). The MOVIE. You know, that really crappy movie with Elisha Cuthbert playing a porn star, and Emile Hirsch is the dorky neighbor who falls in love with her? At any rate, I got sucked in.

As I am watching the opening of this movie, I realize that OLIVIA WILDE IS IN THIS MOVIE! Do you ever think that these now B+/A- stars are like - oh yea, I was a SMALL PART in a really shitty movie, but guess what Elisha Cuthbert - I AM A MUTHA F*CKIN MOVIE STAR NOW, and you are only doing TV! What up now bitches?!?!?!?

At least, I kinda feel like I would do that, you know, if I was in Olivia Wilde's shoes.

Also, WHAT IS UP with those TV movies that are on, movies in which A) You have seen before and B) can't stop watching? I swear, it is like a train wreck, but HEAVEN FORBID you change the channel, just in case something different happens at the end. Anyone else? Just me? OK...

Today's life lesson

2011-11-08T12:59:00.001-07:00

Sometimes you just need to put up and shut up. And know when to back the people you love, and support them, even though you may not feel the same about something.

Oh, and be sure to not drink coffee when driving to work at 7 am in the morning with a sun glare in your eyes, only to realize that you missed your mouth entirely, and spill coffee right on your boob.

You know, one of the two...

FYIF - It is NOVEMBER ALREADY?!?!?

2011-11-04T10:46:00.001-06:00

~N comes back from Pueblo today (he was there for a work trip). Pretty excited to see him. Also, we need to stop having vacations/work trips where I leave, and then he leaves, and I come back, and then he comes back. Makes for a super long ass week.

~You know what else makes for a super long ass week? Working 12 days straight. I need this weekend like a crack addict needs a hit - quick, desperate, and a bit dirty. Isn't that how everyone feels on Fridays?

~Mindy Kaling's book seems like an absolute GEM! Check out this sample (this one is for you ladies)

~Lindsay Lohan got one million dollars for posing nude. Don't worry, her mom was there to supervise, and she said they were "tastefully done." Listen, when my mom starts to whore me out for money in exchange for nudity, please call child protective services. I don't care if I am almost 28 - that shit ain't right.

~In the usual "obsessive pet syndrome" all pet owners have, I do need to let you know that my dog is the CUTEST dog in the world. Why? Cause she wears an adorable red jacket when it is 20 degrees outside. I DON'T CARE IF YOU THINK IT'S LAME - the dog deserves to stay warm. I would like to see you out there without a coat...

~Trade shows are awesome and awful in the same breath. Awesome, cause I get free swag, good food, and I get to do the part of my job that I love (sales). Awful because set up is manual labor (which is bullshit), I get hit on/stalked by really really creepy people, and I have to stand all day long. However, this particular trade show, I was in San Diego. While I do firmly believe that most Southern California people are asshats, I will give them that they have fabulous weather.

~Ski Season is upon us. Who has new ski boots and is a happy camper? THIS GIRL!

~Do you ever drive like an asshole, and feel really bad for doing so? Like, you are TOTALLY conscious of your bad driving, and are like - GET ME OFF THE ROAD NOW?!?!?! Yesterday, I was a TOTAL asshole driver. I cut someone off, I was that last person through a yellow light after realizing that I was sitting there while my lane had a green light, and I could not parallel park for my life. For these days, I feel like I need a button that flashes a sign on my rear view window that says something like "Sorry I forgot how to drive today!" Or, this would do.

~Everyone in my office has direct deposit except for me. Do you know what it is like to have to go to the bank EVERY 2 WEEKS! I hate going to the bank. I mean, what did people do back in 2003 when they had to go to the bank all the time? I do everything online - shopping, porn and banking (in no particular order). I equate going to the bank like writing a check. Who does that anymore? I always go to the ATM so I don't have to talk to the teller, and make awkward conversation. "Yea, my day is going well" "Yep, gotta do laundry - why would I ask for 2 rolls of quarters otherwise?" "Oh, glad to hear your day is going well.... umm, is my deposit done yet?"

~While I may be an ATM girl, I 50/50 about these self serve check out lines at the grocery store. I feel like these need to be limited to express only. And, maybe some grocery stores do that, but not mine. I legit watched someone go up to the self check out with potentially 40 items in their bag. REALLY LADY?!?!? 40 items?!?!? The check out people are there for a reason, and that reason is that they have all of the unlabeled fruits and veggies memorized. They can code that shit in SUPER FAST. So, let me buy my toothpaste and oreo's, and be on my merry way.

~Is it 5 pm yet?

My weekend versus your weekend

2011-10-28T10:28:00.004-06:00

Your weekend

My weekend

Is this REALLY a YA novel?

2011-10-25T10:10:00.002-06:00

OMG. Twilight Breaking Dawn (the movie) comes out in less than a month. But lets not talk about that. Lets talk about the latest and greatest YA novel to be made into a movie.

Hunger Games.

Ok, first off, if you have not read this book, please ignore the following blog post. There are MASSIVE spoilers, and so I apologize if you do not want to read about it.

I was contemplating this book the other day, and I really just cannot believe that this was written for a younger audience. I mean, the whole basis of this is kids killing other kids for the governments pleasure.

KIDS KILLING KIDS. With KNIVES. And BOW & ARROWS.

Cold blooded murder for entertainment.

While I personally really loved this book series, I was also in shock as to how graphic Suzanne Collins gets in the murders of these children. I was talking to my friend K the other day (again, about the book). I kinda have no problem with the deaths and murders in Harry Potter, mainly because they are magical. Like, they all die with a killing spell. The Hunger Games: these kids are legit, straight up, gangsta style murdered.

Now, don't take my disbelief that this book may have missed the genre mark as a YA novel as a boycott of the movie. You best bet I will be seeing this bad boy opening day. Just still a little surprised at the label. I take YA as a PG rating. I think this book may be a little more PG-13...

A Whale's Vagina...

2011-10-24T15:53:00.000-06:00

Hey Readers,

Gonna be in San Diego this weekend for work. This makes me sad. Why does this make me sad?

BECAUSE I AM MISSING MY FAVORITE* HOLIDAY!

(* and by favorite, I mean 3rd favorite, right after my birthday and Christmas)

Who the hell decided to put together a trade show OVER HALLOWEEN WEEKEND?!?! I mean, come on! This is like, the most universally enjoyed holiday. Kids dress up, adults dress ~~slutty~~ up and ~~get really wasted~~ hand out candy to the kids. It's fun for all ages!! W. T. F.

I mean, OK, I can a little bit get over the fact that I am going to be working the majority of the weekend, but what kinda makes me pissed off more than that is all the resentful people attending the show. This trade show is primarily working professionals between the ages of 36-50. You know how many 36-50 year olds have kids, and are bitter they don't get to see Suzy or Joey dressed up as a princess or a pirate? So pissed.

So now, I have to try and hock freaking expensive ass park benches to disgruntled parents. Way to go, trade show coordinators. WAY. TO. GO.

At least I get to see my bestie L while I am in So Cal. That's a plus!

If you want to find me, I will be in my trade show booth. Wearing this.

Leg Lamp - AWARD WINNING COSTUME OF 2010!

Or maybe this....

Britney Spears in her Bald Phase - Not Award Winning, but pretty awesome

Happy Halloween Week!!

Bitchy Celebrity gossip from the views of a child? I'LL HAVE TWO PLEASE!!!

2011-10-24T15:33:00.002-06:00

http://surisburnbook.tumblr.com/

Almost peed my pants a little when reading this...

I may live in Denver, but my heart belongs to Northern California

2011-10-18T13:43:00.000-06:00

An instagram synoposis of our trip... Or at least all the wine we drank!

Domaine Caneros - Friday

Boon Fly Cafe - Friday. Excellent Chicken and Waffles!!

Artesa Winery - Friday

My Ladies at Cakebread Cellars - Saturday

Mumm - Saturday

Grgich Hills - Saturday

Not pictured: A delicious lunch at Angele, the BEST DINNER EVER at Ad Hoc, a wonderful family and friends dinner at my Aunt and Uncles house in the Silverado Highlands, and a spa day at the Silverado Resort.

I really do have the best life. Be jealous!

In less than 24 hours...

2011-10-12T08:27:00.002-06:00

I will be at home, getting Mom and Dad love and HOSTING ALL MY DG LADIES IN NAPA FOR THE CRUSH! Thats right, my favorite vacation has come upon us - GIRLS TRIP TIME!!! YEAH!!!!

I cannot WAIT!

How to craft like an alcoholic (but, really, is there any other way to craft?)

2011-10-10T15:14:00.000-06:00

It was a slow weekend in LivDenver's world. With the first snowfall, and crappy weather on Saturday, instead of an afternoon filled with pumpkin patches and corn mazes with the ladies, we drank and played games at Dave and Busters. A fun alternative to be sure, but with a raging migraine following said activities, I stayed in not one, but BOTH NIGHTS for the weekend. Yep, me, my couch, my tv and my little dog had 2 very hot and heavy date nights.

That being said, I was an extremely productive lady on Sunday. I cleaned, brunched, ran errands, got a mani/pedi, and I CRAFTED. And, since my craft project was SUPER SIMPLE, I thought I would share with all of you a fun and easy project that will also benefit your kitchen.

Like a good 20 something alcoholic, I have graduated from collecting beer bottles in college to collecting wine corks. Ladies, I know you have a fancy vase or a wall vase from Arhaus (or in my case, maybe 4 of these awesome glass hang square vases) that are stuffed full of wine corks. See below example:

Lets say that your said vase ~~is overflowing~~ has miraculously shrunk, and you no longer have room for any more corks. You could either stop drinking (HA!) or you can make a nifty little hot pad. This hot pad could be used for all of your drunk late night mac and cheese binge meals in where you don't even bother taking the mac and cheese out of the scalding hot pot, and then curse yourself the next morning for having no will power and burning a nice hole on your buffet. Not that I have ever done anything like that. Nope, not me...

So, head on down to your local Michael's (and pray you don't have a similar experience as to the one you had at Joann's Fabrics) and find their whittling section. Nope, not kidding, they have a whittling section. Grab 1 - 2 boards of unfinished wood (I grabbed an 8 in by 10 in board), some spray paint wood stain in your choice of color (I choose cherry cause I thought it looked like red wine) and some wood glue. FYI - it's all in the same aisle, so don't let an asinine employee lead you around the store for a half hour looking for wood glue when it was in front of your face the whole time. Again, this is all hypothetical. Run over to the felt aisle, and grab 1-2 sheets of felt (whatever color floats your boat) for the bottom of your board.

Go home. Get newspaper and gloves (I have cleaning gloves that I use for arts and crafts. Very cheap, and I highly recommend. Especially if you got a manicure an hour beforehand). Go outside. Spray down the wood board with your stain until you have the desired effect. Wait 10 min for it to dry. Bring wood pieces inside.

Dump out your vase of corks (and shamefully admire your alcoholic handiwork). Open a bottle of wine, and pour yourself a glass. You just stained wood! That's some crafty shit! Reward yourself! Take your stained wood board and lay out your corks in a style that you choose that will fit the top of your board. I actually found that not all corks are the same length or width, and some were in crappier condition, so I only choose the best corks/the nicest wine corks I had for this particular project. READ: I left the Yellow Tail corks, and kept the Grgich Hills for this project. That way, people will know you are a classy alcoholic.

Once you have determined the layout of your board, remove the corks, and put to the side of your board. Take wood glue and slather a strip on the board. Adhere corks to glue. Continue project until finished. Be sure that you are consuming the wine you opened earlier. That way, you really get the "feeling" of the project. Take your glued cork board, and grab something heavy to put on it (I went with a couple of larger books). Set your heavy items on the board, and let the glue dry for 2 hours. (Overnight also works well). The weight allows for the corks to really adhere to the wood, and at this point, you are drunk, so the fun craft time seems taxing. Pass out/go to bed.

Next morning/2 hours later: now that your cork board is dry, flip it over, and cut your felt out to fit the back of the board. Take wood glue and adhere the felt to the back of the board. (The felt prevents scratches). Let felt dry. And TA-DA - you have a cool hot pad that you can display at your next dinner party, and you now have more room for corks in your vase!

(I took this photo with my iPhone. Note the expensive wines, disregard the cheap ones).

And that's how you craft the LivDenver way - Simple and Fun Ideas that allow you to drink, and showcase your alcoholic tendancies!

A couple of hints:
~I put my corks with the wine stained side out. Looks cooler than a hole that the wine key left behind.
~I also cut off any extra bits the wine key may have pulled out with a steak knife. Did not ruin the knife at all, but I may choose one of your junkier knifes to do this with.

Pukka Shell Necklaces are so 1994...

2011-10-04T08:23:00.002-06:00

N leaves for Hawaii tomorrow for 10 days. He gets to fly first class. Both ways.

Am I a bitter, jaded and jealous girlfriend? Why yes, yes I am.

You better get me something awesome N. And NOT A PUKKA SHELL NECKLACE! That is so 1994, and if you even come back with that, I will throw it in your face. Actually, that's not true. I would wear it for a hot minute, and then "accidentally" lose it. In the garbage. God, remember when pukka shell necklaces were all the rage? I mean, I wore the shit out of a pukka shell necklace in 6th grade. I also remember being severely annoyed, because my pukka shell necklace ALWAYS caught on my hair by my neck, and it hurt like a mo fo.

Pretty sure I threw that one in the garbage too. I mean, hemp necklaces were so 1995, and I would not be caught dead in a pukka shell necklace in 1995. Instead, I was wearing hemp necklaces with a glass mushroom woven into the necklace, and not even coming close to understanding what a 'shroom was, or why mine looked particularly psychedelic. What? I lived right by Berkeley, CA. If you haven't been to Berkeley, you wouldn't know. Berkeley is even more hippy than Boulder. And yes, that is possible.

Did I mention the sick ass bowl hair cut I had in 6th grade? Did you know that Justin Bieber found a picture of me in 6th grade, and decided to wear his hair like me? Cause it's true. So, here I am in my pukka shell necklace/hemp necklace, starter jacket, overalls from the Limited too, and lesbian hair cut. So cute.

Where was I? Oh yea, N -get me something awesome from Hawaii. Oh, and I am gonna miss you...

The path to hell is paved with good intentions...

2011-10-03T09:41:00.003-06:00

This weekend was a total "good intentions, no follow through" weekend for me.

I wanted to paint.

I wanted to clean.

I wanted to be productive.

Instead, I slept until 2 pm on Saturday, and drank on Sunday.

Thank god I don't have any real responsibilies in my life...

And this happened this weekend...

2011-10-03T09:37:00.000-06:00

Best.
Holiday.
Ever.

The Beginning...

Love Photo Booths!

Silent Disco Time - C, Liv and N

C & N - Silent Disco

Let it be known that N outdid me on the pretzel necklaces this year....

Hey, don't try to cut your own hair when you are a bottle and a half of wine in

2011-09-29T13:23:00.000-06:00

IT ALWAYS RESULTS IN A BAD IDEA, OK SISTER?!?!?!?

PS She is wearing a strapless bra you perv, so don't get any ideas....

FYIF - It's Been TOO LONG Edition

2011-09-23T10:37:00.002-06:00

~Fall is here. This means warm sweaters, cute boots, and soup. It also means shorter days, no patio dining, and no excuses to drink cause it's nice weather out. Now I have to rely on football to excuse my drinking habits, and that excuse is only good on Sundays... I guess I should have gone to a college with an actual football team. Then I can blame occasions like BLOOD VESSELS BURSTING IN MY EYES on football, and not just being a hot mess.

~Kids, if you don't mind sending me some good luck this week, that would be excellent! Good juju vibes always help, so I appreciate the love. I will update you next week if your karma worked for me.

~My girlfriend ate her placenta after she gave birth to her son. Yes, this is as disgusting as it sounds. (sorry MODG - NOT FOR EVERYONE!) This fact has creeped the fuck outta me for a long time. So, she decided to post something on my facebook wall. Now every time I go to my profile, a photo of a placenta is there. Staring me in the face. I literally feel my ovaries retract so far up into my abdomen that I think I may be sterilizing myself. My timeline for kids was somewhere around 35. And now it may be closer to 50. And I will NEVER eat my placenta. I prefer my medicine of the Western kind.

~N came with me last night to my circuit training class. We both died. I died a bit later than he did, but I love that this gym is #1 - 90% women and #2 - all of these women are in better shape then the men I know. Now, I can milk it when I get home from a class and just want to sit on the couch, and N has to make me dinner.

~Beefest is IN ONE WEEK! IN ONE WEEK!?!?!? Again: BEST. HOLIDAY. EVER.

~Pretty sure that I would LOVE the new Dorito Taco from Taco Bell. Also pretty sure that I would hate the same taco about 12 hours later.

~Today I am spoiling myself rotten. I am getting a massage at 5 pm, a facial at 6 pm, and then watching all my DVR this evening while staying in on my couch. It sounds like the best Friday night I have had in a while. So sad, yet SO EXCITING!

~So, I have had 2 messages sitting on my work phone for days. I use a company paid cell phone for all incoming calls. My work phone is just so my coworkers can call my desk. Therefore, there is no voicemail set up, nor do I know how to use these systems. I kinda feel like Mark Anthony in the new Kohl's commercials.

~Anyone know when the new H&M is opening in the Pavilions? I am so ready for Topshop and Zara to also come this way. PLEASE!!!

~I hope you all have an enjoyable weekend, and try not to puke so hard that you burst blood vessels...

I think I will have some brain for lunch. With a side of human liver...

2011-09-23T09:51:00.001-06:00

Everyone,

My eye is seriously F-ED UP!!! For your viewing pleasure, I bring you IPhone photos courtesy of my desk at work. First is the real photo (ignore the bags and wrinkles. I am a tired old lady....)

And, since I am an IPhone user, the obligatory Instagram photo, where REAL TIME ZOMBIE ACTION IS CAUGHT!

Creepy, right?

Want to kill 5 minutes at work?

2011-09-22T09:16:00.001-06:00

http://www.drawastickman.com/

Class Class Class, All The Way

2011-09-20T08:04:00.001-06:00

Well, I just realized I popped a major blood vessel in my eye. This realization occurred yesterday evening.

The way I popped it? Puking my guts out in the back parking lot of Ogden Street South on Saturday evening after having one to many Jager bombs.

Did I mention that I am 27 years old?

Just call me one classy broad.

Crafting and Cooking and Styling - Oh My!

2011-09-14T11:44:00.002-06:00

Totes Marketable - No?

Secret Confession #1: I am seriously obsessed with people who can DIY like no other with crafty shit. People who make cute clothing for their kids. People who can create masterpieces out of a hair clip, a pen and a piece of chewing gum. People who make their wedding gifts, and are like - oh no biggie.

Secret Confession #2: I want to be one of those people. Yes, N and I remodeled an entire house together. I feel damn good about this accomplishment. Trust. I feel like I am a pretty decent cook, an OK painter, and can dress alright. I want to be better at all these things. However, I have a complex about these people who ARE good at these things. I don't know if my sarcastic sense of humor and lase fair attitude about cuss words has a place in this world. Fuck, all of the fabulous blogs I follow on my blog roll are kick ass mom's who can cook amazing food or crafters who are awesome at what they do, but never a stray swear word makes it into their vernacular.

I believe that I can fit a niche market. I mean, come on, food network needs a late night show called: Booze and Bacon. I could be the star, and apply my sarcastic attitude and sailor mouth to showing people how to make great cocktails and greasy food to accompany your drunk stomach's desires. OR I could have an HGTV show called "Bitches Be Fixin" and I can show girls how easy it is to tile a back splash or demo plaster and lath.

Think about it. And, if you have someone who works for these networks, give them my resume, huh? Don't worry, that does not have any cuss words on it... I think.

Fantasy and Reality

2011-09-13T12:07:00.000-06:00

Things I think I would do if I did not have a job:

~Workout in the morning
~Cook amazing meals
~Read a lot
~Have an obsessively clean apartment
~Paint more
~Write on this blog more
~Take my dog on a long walk/run everyday
~Golf a considerable amount more in the summer
~Ski more in the winter
~Accomplish all errands before noon
~Learn a new hobby and master it
~Spend less time on the Internet
~Become fluent in a different language
~Kick ass in crafting
~Learn how to sew better
~Get up early to accomplish all of these things in a day

Things I would actually do if I did not have a job:
~Sleep in until noon
~Watch trashy TV all day long

I guess that's the difference between fantasy and reality. That, and a shit ton of HBO.

Death to Squash, Classy Broads, and Preston Meyers

2011-09-07T10:02:00.001-06:00

~True Blood is the best show on TV right now. I love how whacked out it is, and I could not LOVE Eric and Sookie as a couple more. I mean, Eric is hot. Like ghost chili pepper hot. Yep, would not kick him outta bed for eating crackers, that's for sure.

~Kayaking on the Dillon Reservoir is a MUST if you live in Colorado. Did it for the first time this last weekend. GORGEOUS views. So outdoors of me!

~I wish that I could dress like Courtney from Most Eligible Dallas. It scares me that I covet a reality starlet's wardrobe so much, but MAN - that girl has got style. I totes heart all of her clothes. Including the necklaces that I can't even come close to affording.

~My girlfriend is in Hawaii right now, and I asked her to text me a photo. She did. I then looked at the photo for 10 minutes wishing that I could magically trade places with her RIGHT NOW. I then realized that N is going to HAWAII FOR 10 DAYS! WITHOUT ME! Uggh, color me jealous. But, I will be in Napa during his trip, showing my lovely DG ladies the beautiful area I grew up. Enjoying wine with some of my favorite people. Not too shabby!!

~Had dinner with my seester last night. Every time I see her, I am proven time and time again that she is the coolest person I know. Case in point - not only did she cook me an awesome dinner, she also proceeded to tell me about her too large of sweatpants purchase she was currently wearing. Which fell off her while she was showing me an epic dance move. Her epic dance move was just because. There was no music or reason to dance. She just chooses to do this shit. I am telling you, this is a reality show in the making.

~Why does all the shit I want cost so much money? I hate being a classy broad with uppity taste. It really puts a damper on my wardrobe. (I type this as I am wearing and H&M shirt, a free skirt from a friend, a Gap Scarf and Tom's shoes. Ok, so maybe today is a cheap outfit. I am still a classy broad. Stop laughing.)

~Sometimes I wonder if vegetarians feel bad for eating all those innocent fruits and vegetables. I mean, I am sure it hurt when they were uprooted from the ground, chopped up and served to you on a pretty plate. Where are your fruitarian rights now? Some one's gotta stick up for all those lettuce and apples being brutally killed. Think about it.

~My friend's status the other day said that she was sitting on babies. AKA baby sitting. I like how she said it better. I wonder how much you would get paid for sitting on the kids? Is that the standard going rate or do you get extra for the physical effort to keep those kids pinned down for hours? When I was babysitting, you got paid, and the (hopefully) not too drunk Dad gave you a ride home. Now a days, that sounds like a Lifetime movie waiting to happen.

~I have now stooped to a new level of young adult reading. I have succumbed to children's books. Yep, call me the Benjamin Button of literature.

~Despite contrary belief amongst my group of friends, conspicuous and inconspicuous are not the same as flammable and inflammable. They are two different words. Although, I like the use of conspicuous in sentences where you were supposed to be inconspicuous. It provides for a fun visual in my head.

~Can't Hardly Wait was on TV the other day. Damn, I forgot how good that movie was! Jennifer Love Hewitt looks WAY better back then, and how can you not LOVE Peter Facinelli as Mike Dexter. The major bonus of that movie is the dork that was the kid in Hook. "You know, Preston. He is kinda tall, with hair, and wears t-shirts sometimes."

Just DU It!

2011-09-01T16:28:00.001-06:00

http://www.thedailybeast.com/newsweek/features/college-rankings/2011/party.university-of-denver.html

Way to go DU. I am so proud!

The Amazing Spider Man Dude HAS A BORDER TERRIER! I DIE....

2011-09-01T10:17:00.001-06:00

So, Andrew Garfield (the new Spider Man) has a BORDER TERRIER! OBSESSED! Not many people in the US know about this awesome dog, but because this fabulous actor grew up in London, he knows what dogs are pimp. And Border Terriers are PIMP! Apparently they are the labs of England, and I LOVE IT!

Speaking of pimp dogs, how cute is mine?

Hi, my name is Cali and I am IN YOUR FACE. Mom is also obsessed with Instagram Pics...

Ski Rex - The Walmart to Snigrab's Target

2011-09-01T10:11:00.001-06:00

Are we sure it's not ski season? Cause I am MORE than ready for it to be ski season. Today, I will be forging the masses, and getting ready to fight nail and tooth for some new ski boots.

I got an invite to Ski Rex for their VIP sale starting TODAY (regular minions get to start shopping on Saturday), and will be cashing in this evening. Please note that Ski Rex and Snigrab are the 2 biggest holiday sales in Colorado. Like, Black Friday doesn't even come CLOSE to this shit. But, the crowds come out. In hoards. I am just hoping I can get some help, and get outta there safely. With no hair pulling or eye gouging.

And maybe with a new pair of sick ski boots for less than $150...

Angry Birds, Varsity Flip Cup, and 2010 resurrected.

2011-08-30T09:18:00.000-06:00

~Yesterday was one of THOSE Mondays. Thank GOD we have a 3 day weekend coming up. I still think that I have not recovered fully from Cabo yet, and my body and mind are still requesting vacation. Cause, you know, heaven forbid that I actually get motivation to WORK!

~So, you all know the crazy life I had at this time last year? One of my besties is going through it this year. Yep - newly single, new apartment, and her job may transfer her to Atlanta. I had breakfast with her on Sunday morning, and I just kept on re-iterating "I KNOW WHAT YOU MEAN!". It's like 2010 had a fucking time warp, and decided to descend on another victim. Again, 2010, this is bullshit, and we are all over it. Stop trying to be 2011. We are just over you. Thank you.

~I think that maybe the Mayans had a point to this whole "the world is gonna end December 12 of 2012". That, or it could be Y2K all over again. Let's hope for that instead of the world ending.

~On Saturday, N dragged me to a house party where I knew NO ONE. Within 30 minutes, I had made a "varsity" all girls flip cup team, and had 6 new friends add me to their facebook friendships. Why did I leave the party business again?

~Saturday night lesson: Hipsters can't play flip cup for shit. And, hell YES I kicked him off our team. I am the Monica of drinking games.

~I beat Angry Birds on my Iphone. Now what am I supposed to do with my time?

~Mountains this weekend with N and my gay boys. I am so ready to get out of this bullshit heat, and I am looking forward to kayaking, hiking, cooking and relaxing. I seriously cannot WAIT to cook, especially because this kitchen is the bomb! Any suggestions?

~Kinda a short word vomit. Maybe I will be funnier tomorrow.

Top 5 Annoying traits that make me want to punch babies.

2011-08-25T09:47:00.002-06:00

In light of the East Coast earthquakes, and the inevitable blow up of my facebook feed wall, I felt the need to write a post about the 5 types of people that I personally find obnoxious and annoying. Here is the deal - I am from the West Coast, and to us, yes, a 5.8 earthquake is peanuts. However, I TOTALLY understand the East Coast people freaking out over the earthquake. They have never experienced the ground shaking, and it can be a scary 30 seconds if you have no clue what's going on. I have never been in a tornado, so if a class F0 tornado came through Denver, I would be FREAKING OUT! I get it. But really, this East Coast/West Coast banter back and forth on facebook has really been annoying the shit outta me.

So, without any further ado, here is my top 5 most annoying traits that do really make me want to punch babies (or puppies, if you aren't into the kid thing - regardless, it makes me want to punch something cute and innocent.)

#5 - The "I'm gonna complain about my weight while I eat this Big Mac" Girl

Ok, I will admit - I have SO been this girl before. I will bitch about my weight while housing chicken tenders and fries. I joke that I am the fat girl in back of gym class. I know this is not true. I am fully aware that I am skinny and in good shape in comparison to the rest of America (but damn, I am fat in comparison to the trainers at my gym! Those ladies are freaking ripped!!) However, when I feel like I am out of my comfort zone of weight, I do something about it. I diet. I hit the gym a bit harder. I cut out crap. What I cannot stand is the people that complain and complain about their weight, and DO NOTHING TO FIX IT! And, this conversation usually happens over a meal or a happy hour. And they are drinking a white russian, which has a million calories, and they just ordered nachos for an appetizer. Get off your butt and do something about it!

#4 - The "I was listening to that band 2 years before everyone else" Guy/Girl

Ladies and Gentleman, I would like to nominate my seester to this category. Here is the thing. These people actually have decent taste in music, and they probably have introduced you to great bands. And you like the mixed CD's they burn for you, and you have to admit that the last song really was the perfect ending note. HOWEVER, you have to hear it every time you talk to them about a "new song" you heard that you thought they might like. The inevitable "Oh, yea (insert band name here), I have been listening to them for the last year. It's great they are getting mainstream attention now. However, I feel their garage band sessions are way better - in fact, I was smoking pot in the garage when they recorded this! I know they are from New Hampshire, I just happen to be there for the beet festival over one weekend, and I heard them." It just makes me want to pull my hair out, or maybe force them to listen to Barry Manilow for hours on end. Yea, Mandy just got stuck in your head, didn't it? Sorry about that.

#3 - The Non Reciprocating Conversationalist

You meet someone new in a social setting. They seem cool, and fun after the first initial hello. You end up sitting by them for dinner/drinks or you find yourself in talking proximity with them. You ask them questions about their life (What do you do? Do you prefer peanut butter M&M's or Reeses Pieces? What is your dog's name?). They answer. Then crickets. So, you try again (So, how about them Giant's? What color underwear are you wearing?) They answer again. More crickets. These people are so self absorbed, they don't even care to ask you about your life, or even bother to find out your peanut butter candy preference (mine BTW is Reeses). Conversation is a 2 way street people! I am not asking you to solve a quadratic equation, I am just making small talk with you, so freaking participate, OK? And if you find me terribly annoying, or don't want to chat, then excuse yourself.

#2 - The One Upper

I don't think this needs any explanation. But guess what, I know this guy who is WAY worse than your "one upper". He makes your "one upper" look like a walk in the park. (see what I did there? I "one upped" your "one upper". I guess this means my writing skills are lacking if I had to explain the above joke...)

#1 - The Weather Topper (a particular version of the "One Upper")

Ever since I moved to Colorado out of my Nor Cal bubble, and started going to school with people from all over the United States, I have found that there is one person in this group. Inevitably and Always (and YES, I, on occasion, have been this person.) In the winter, it is always the East Coast crowd. "What, negative 2 in Denver isn't even COLD! You should see what it's like in my hometown of Douchebaggery, New Jersey! We wear shorts and flip flops in negative 2 degree weather. At least this is a DRY cold!" Look, you New England asshole, if its negative 2 degrees out, and my boogers are frozen the moment I step out of the house, IT'S FUCKING COLD! I don't care if it's a dry cold, a wet cold, or a moist cold - it's still butt ass cold. In the summer, it's everyone that has ever lived somewhere with a hint of humidity and weather that climbs above 85 degrees. I get it. I have been to humid places, it sucks. But again, if its 100+ degree weather in Denver, that is sweaty balls hot. It creates sweat in places you did not even think you had sweat glands in! You get swass, swoobage, swack, and swaint all over. (yea, figure out the terminology I just wrote, and get back to me).

I want I want I want....

2011-08-22T16:07:00.000-06:00

Well, of course I really have everything I want in life - a great BF (love you N!) fabulous friends, a stunning apartment, the coolest dog on the planet, and a kick ass family. I also have to say that I like how I look and have great health and teeth. But of course, in life, that is never enough, no?

I want everyone to take a moment, and check out my friend blog on my blog roll. This gorgeous woman NEEDS help. She needs the love and support of the blogging community, and if you have a second, please go send her well wishes. Again, my trivial bitching and moaning is stupid and silly in comparison to what she is going through.

http://www.highheelsandscrubs.com/

Bubblesworth - thanks for your endless support always. Now it's my turn...

Sorry, I am still recovering from 5 epic days in Cabo. Leave a message after the tone

2011-08-22T08:08:00.002-06:00

Sadness + Anger = LivDenver Blog Success

2011-08-11T11:34:00.000-06:00

I was peeking today at past posts (while I SHOULD be working - stop judging) and it brought up some painful but interesting reminders. N and I are very good and are in a great space, and that makes me very very very happy. However, I am a WAY funnier writer when I am bitter and jaded.

I also looked at my trending on google, and everyone was WAY more into this blog when it was a bit melodramatic and snarky. Now, all of you guys are like - Where are the stories about Girl Scout Cookies and almost fighting someone in Chipotle? I know, I know. I am even saddened about how happy I am. Scratch that - reverse it. I am happy that I am not that sad anymore.

Some word vomit will be coming later today... stay tuned

Crawl For Cancer 2011 - Team Afternoon Delight

2011-08-10T11:56:00.000-06:00

This Saturday, I will be supporting cancer victims the only way I know how to. And that is by drinking.

Yep, Team Afternoon Delight is back at it again. We had to take a hiatus after 2009. Mainly because the following things happened:

-N got so drunk that he got alcohol poisoning. He also puked all over a cab, and I had to watch him extensively over the next 6 hours while all he did was dry heave into our toilet. This happened at 4 pm.

-S, another boyfriend of the group, passed out on his doorstep, but only after he ran away from the group, and peed on some one's car. He was also drinking the same amount of alcohol as N.

-A lady in this picture got pregnant 3 hours later. Yep, we can attribute a child as a result of this pub crawl.

-I had to drive myself to the airport at 5 am the next morning for a work trip. N almost got a DUI for driving his car back. The following morning.

Let's hope that this year, seeings as we are obviously older and more mature, no vomiting or pregnancy's come of this event. Maybe that should be our team name...

Northern Michigan is GORGEOUS!

2011-08-10T11:32:00.000-06:00

I know, I was all like, WTF? I guess my impression of Michigan comes from Detroit. And while one of my favorite people hails from D-Town (Trev, I am talking to you), Eminem's "8 Mile" movie does not put it in a favorable light. Neither did "Roger and Me" about Flint, MI, where Michael Moore shows a family clubbing bunny rabbits for food and fur. Which my 8th grade teacher made us watch in history. Nope, not kidding.

But clubbing adorable bunnies is neither her nor there, and that's not really what this post was intended to convey. However, I do not advocate clubbing innocent rabbits. Let's start over, shall we?

This weekend, N and I made it up to Northern Michigan (Frankfort, MI to be exact) for our good friends wedding. I was totally unaware of how gorgeous this area is! We stayed in an adorable hotel, drank all of the alcohol in Frankfort, and celebrated the union of 2 fabulous people.

So, apparently, LivDenver CAN drink all of the vodka in a town, as they ran out of vodka at the wedding. Nope, not kidding on this one! N also managed to assist the groom in breaking his toe the day before the wedding in a late night drunken swim with 4 other guys. Sorry Laura!

Note to self - I am now the travel agent in my relationship. N managed to book 3 hour layovers where ever we were flying. PRO: all of the airports had bars. CON: drinking for an additional 6 hours this weekend was NOT in my liver's best interest. Oh well.

Put a Ring On It.

2011-08-01T15:29:00.000-06:00

HAHA, nope, this is not an engagement post! Instead, it's about the most baller ring I have put on my finger to date*.

I was in Phoenix for work over the week, and this particular trade show was for the International Association of Venue Management. It's basically an association where all the stadiums get together. So, managers of places like Investco Field, Coors Field and the Pepsi Center go to attend meeting, lectures, and check out the latest and greatest in site furnishings. The nice part about this trade show is that only 500 people attend, and its all executives or decision makers. It's all about quality, not quantity. And I loved it.

On the last day, I was sitting in my booth, making causal conversation with a very nice couple, and I asked if they had any need for site furnishings. They mentioned that they thought they had our stuff in their stadium. I, of course, asked what stadium they belonged to. The very nice gentleman informed me that he was with AT&T Park.

AT&T PARK? HOME OF MY BELOVED GIANTS?!?!?

I immediately launched into a tirade about how I still have JT Snow's jersey from 2001 and that I am a HUGE FAN. This gentleman loved my enthusiasm, and he introduced himself to me. His name was Rick Mears, VP of Guest Services for the SF Giants. He then asked if I wanted to try on his WORLD SERIES RING.

HIS WORLD SERIES RING! Ummm, yes sir, I would LOVE to try on the WORLD SERIES RING OF MY BELOVED GIANTS!!!! I quickly whipped out the iphone, and snapped photos of this fabulous ring, and then posted to facebook. HIGHLIGHT OF THE SHOW!

Ignore the horrid manicure - YEP THAT THE RING!

Oh, and Rick then informed me that the Giants had 400 rings made for all of the front office people that worked for AT&T park to show their appreciation. Fucking Baller. (PS, please tell me you have been watching the Franchise on Showtime. It's fucking awesome)

Basically, I love my job for being able to try on the World Series ring, and making all of my Harry Potter dreams come true.

*Ahem, I am sure that my engagement ring will be the most exciting ring I will ever put on, however as of August 1st, 2011, this ring trumps all...

Armpits. Vodka. Shaved Dogs. Did I get your attention now?

2011-07-25T13:24:00.000-06:00

Yea Yea Yea, I know. My posts are boring and lame as of late. LAY OFF ME! I have been busy (read: watching Harry Potter over and over again) and I am doing very important stuff around here (read: re-reading the last Harry Potter book. Again. Yea, I saw the movie twice already. WHAT OF IT?!?!?)

I think the most productive and potentially "quippy" posts I have are my word vomit ones. Yes, quippy is a made up word. Run with it. And since I can't be bothered with actual posts of real substance, this seems more productive for you readers. Blame it on the ADD that runs in the family (thanks sister!) Oh, and I fucking hate the new blogger bullet points, so these will be the squiggly slashes on the upper left hand corner of your key board

~Anyone know what these "~" are meant for anyway? If you know, inform me. I just think it's a fancy dash, or a kid with epilepsy trying to draw a straight line. You say tomato, I say genetic and debilitating disease...

~Shaved my dog yesterday. What - it was hot, and the poor little one needed a hair cut. To get a professional to cut her hair is $50. Which is $10 than I pay for my hair cut. So, I thought - why not do it myself? I took N's 1/2 inch barber trimmers, a handful of treats, and went to town. I think she looks good, no?

My mom said that I should start this as my new business venture. Everyone, come get your dog shaved by LivDenver. Guess what - instead of $50, you can pay me in vodka and rainbow sprinkles.

~Except I can't have vodka. Why you ask? Well, I decided to do the Kate Middleton diet for an upcoming Mexico trip in my future. (www.dukandiet.com if you want more info). I have lost 7 pounds in 2 weeks. I also cannot have alcohol, chocolate, rainbow sprinkles, carbs, or anything else that remotely looks delicious (read: fried, covered in chocolate, or fast food) However, I feel fucking fantastic. I have more energy, my clothes look amazing, and muscles are starting to pop where they never have been beforehand. It really is an easy diet to follow, but seeings as I am 3 pounds away from hitting my goal weight loss, I am a bit cranky. There is only so much protein that one can eat!!!! However, I am sticking to it, and I am going to be the skinniest bitch on the beach in Cabo.

~The Food Network has officially become like porn to me.

~Words with Friends. I am OBSESSED. The more I play, the better I am getting. It's much more about strategy then words. However, I think that everyone is tired of me winning. Cause I am a winner!!! But, don't try and play the word "quippy". It won't work.

~Pro's of no drinking: More money, more productivity on weekends, and less weight.

Con's of no drinking: Everyone thinks I am pregnant, I am every one's DD, and I am a lot more cranky. N thinks that vodka should be allowed. I am starting to agree.

~Headed to Phoenix tomorrow for work. I thought Denver has been hot as balls? Well, I am most certainly WRONG. Who the hell thought a CONVENTION IN JULY would be perfect to host in PHOENIX?!?!? At least I am staying at a nice hotel with a good gym.

~Starting laser hair removal for the first time tonight. I am trying it out on my armpits. Through friends, I hear this is painful, however I believe it is a must for me. I am a hairy Italian. We are cursed. And, I have to shave my armpits EVERY DAY. READ THAT - EVERY DAY! You know what a pain in the ass that is? We shall also see how this process goes. It was a living social deal. I feel like I should be concerned that I am purchasing deals through a discount website that are basically medical procedures, but I am cheap. I will let you know if my armpits have any growths in the next couple of months. As long as the growth isn't hair, I will be happy.

~I want to throw a 90's themed party, complete with all of the "Now That's What I Call Music" volumes as background music, and repeats of "Hey Dude" and "Clueless" on the TV. How much fun would that be?

~ Alright party peeps, I am outtie. Enjoy the week, and I will catch you on the flipside.

Oh, I love being the fat kid in the back of gym class.

2011-07-18T14:08:00.000-06:00

Hi, my name is LivDenver, and I am the fat kid picked last in gym class. So nice to meet you!

Yep, guess what - I am STILL doing the kickboxing classes. I love them. I love the punishment that Kathleen hands to me on Monday nights. I love being covered in sweat, struggling to even walk to the car after an awesome workout. The circuit that Hai has us go though on Thursdays is just fucking nuts. However, what I don't like.

Being the kid in class who the trainer has to watch over.

Last week, I was in the Wednesday night kickboxing class. And my rhythm was off. Like, way off. So, Hai, the trainer for the class, decided to pick on me. Therefore, everyone was listening to how I was doing things wrong for the entirety of class. Over the microphone.

Thank god I am not one of those cute work out girls, cause I was already red in the face from the workout. And now, I was being humiliated. Not fun. In all fairness, I did put myself up closer to the mirror in the class, and I should have stayed in the back. Lesson learned. Oh, and if you want to come to a class with me, feel free to hang out in back. It's where all the cool kids will be (aka me)

Why Yes, I did see Harry Potter this weekend... twice.

2011-07-18T13:59:00.000-06:00

And it was awesome. Yep, I cried (both times). I may have not slept very well on Friday night due to the extreme excitement I was experiencing. K and I may have worn the same HP shirt to the movie that I bought for us back in Orlando in November.

What of it?

I don't care how dorky it makes me that I love Harry Potter. In fact, I have to say, it was sad to see the franchise end. YES, I UNDERSTAND that Harry Potter is not a real person (unlike some people) and YES I totally get that Hogwarts does not actually exist. However, it was a series that we grew up with, and that is a great story with delicious twists and turns, with a happy ending. How can you not enjoy that?

JUST SAY MAUX - This is for you!!!

2011-07-14T12:37:00.001-06:00

My friend, Mary of mkgraces.com just tweeted this, and I thought IMMEDIATELY OF YOU! It is from the former editor in chief of Domino Magazine.
This may have to be my wedding gift to you, and I don't even know you outside of the blog world! LOVE IT! But, in the case you would like to pre order - here you go!

How can you NOT LOVE THE GIANTS?!?!?

2011-07-14T11:43:00.001-06:00

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2011/07/13/brian-wilson-espy-spandex-tux_n_897861.html#s308584&title=Brian_Wilson

Saturday, 9:45 AM. Where I will be

2011-07-12T15:23:00.000-06:00

IMAX. 3D. Early enough that there will be limited children. Late enough where I am "sleeping in". You bet I am gonna cry at the end.

My Drunk Kitchen

2011-07-07T12:03:00.000-06:00

If you have not watched this yet, YOU NEED TO! This chick is hysterical, and I like her cooking theories!!!

Hey LivDenver, Welcome to the year 2007...

2011-07-07T10:17:00.000-06:00

Wait a tick - you say it's 2011?!?!? Oh you young whippersnappers. I thought it was only 2007. Mainly because I just got my first IPhone last night. And let me say, it is fucking awesome. I would also like to point out that my parents (my 80 year old father, no less!) has had an IPhone for almost 2 years. He called to offer me help on my new phone. Yes, my old as dirt father offered to teach ME how to use a piece of technology. And I can guarantee that he is much quicker on his than I am on mine.

Before I get to that, lets discuss the hour and a half it took for me to obtain this gorgeous new phone.

Yesterday was the absolute drop dead date for Verizon customers to get in on the $30 unlimited data plan. Therefore, there were a bazillion and a half people in line. I get to the mall at 6:30 pm after my painting class. The very nice, very frazzled lady at the entrance to the Verizon store asks for my name. I give it to her. She then informs me that I am 10th in line, and that it will either be 15 minutes or a "very long time". I inquired how long a "very long time" would be? A half hour? An hour? Well folks, ends up a "very long time" will translate to an hour and half. In the end, I just played on their ipads in the store, and patiently waited my turn. And, then, $215 later, I got it. The holy grail of phones. In my hot little hands!

IPhone addicts - I GET IT! I REALLY DO! I could be on this damn thing for hours. I love technology, I love apps, and I love my new phone.

Oh, yea, I got the IPhone 4. In white. I am SO 2011...

It's a So Cal 4th of July...

2011-07-06T10:08:00.000-06:00

Hello Everyone,

Happy 6th of July! Yea, I am a bit late, but whatever. I was in San Diego over the long weekend with N, and it was really, really difficult. I mean, I had to lounge by a pool all weekend, drink cocktails, work on my tan, and be a fat kid by consuming In-N-Out.

FEEL BAD FOR ME!

Oh, and San Diego - GORGEOUS weather! 75 and sunny all weekend. Denver - 95 and ROASTING hot.

N & I also consumed the following: 1 bottle of Malibu, 2 bottles of Mumm Champagne, 1 bottle of white wine, and 15 beers. Over 2.5 days. Let's just say that I am dieting hard core until Mexico.

Oh yes, and the whole resort looked like the background of this photo. So tough.

My new favorite professional golfer...

2011-06-30T10:10:00.002-06:00

http://msn.foxsports.com/golf/story/robert-garrigus-admits-to-smoking-marijuana-during-nationwide-tour-golf-rounds-062911?GT1=39002

Road Rage may as well be my middle name...

2011-06-28T12:02:00.000-06:00

Everyone who reads this blog (all 2 of you) know that I don't exactly have the cleanest of language. I love to throw in a well placed "fuck" or "shit" to really drive any point home. And, let's face it, I am also no wallflower. When faced with confrontation, I step up and fight. However, I am not an instigator, and I prefer to make love and not war.

Except when I am behind the wheel.

Holy Fucking Shit Batman - where the hell did I learn to be such a Walmart redneck republican?!?!? I was on my way into work today, and on the drive, I got stuck behind this stupid Suzuki. Now, normally, I don't care what kind of person you are when I see you on the street. I pride myself on being a very open person who will not judge you on the color of your skin, your sexual preference, or your size. However, apparently I become a total and utter ignorant redneck when I get behind the wheel. Any type of stereotype or any derogatory word that I can think of about the driver in front of me comes flying out of my mouth at 100 mph. I am shocked I don't give myself whiplash with the words that I spew out.

Back to the Suzuki - I found myself calling the lady driver in this particular car a fat ass bitch. W.T.F. I mean, did I really just call this person who, granted was driving asininely slow, a fat ass bitch? I don't know her or her situation. She may have an overactive thyroid gland. Maybe she is a totally nice person who brakes for squirrels (FYI - I don't brake for squirrels or pigeons. Dogs, Cats, Foxes, Deer, Raccoons, etc I will GLADLY break for. However, pigeons and squirrels are fuckwads, and while I don't try to hit them, I also won't necessarily brake for them. STOP JUDGING ME!)

I caught myself mid sentence slurring out this expletive, and I consciously told myself to stop. As angry as I can get with this lady in front of me, it's not going to change her speed or her shitty driving. So, I am going to attempt for more Zen on the road. Especially after I saw what road rage can cause firsthand. Primarily cause I think it will be good for me, but it's also because we can't play bumper cars on the road for real. Believe me, if I could have, I would have shoved this lady with my mini cooper in 2 seconds.

Oh, that's right - Zen. Namaste Bitches!

Hello Summer, It's me, LivDenver. I almost forgot about you...

2011-06-27T15:08:00.000-06:00

Oh, hey there Denver Summer! So great to see you, even though you were running on sorority time (aka, EXTREMELY LATE). You know what sucks about you being so late? I forgot how hot you are. I mean burning hot (much like my DG sistas - we can't help but be ridiculously good looking....). And, since my friend, Bubblesworth, had a beautiful child and needed her air conditioning unit back that was on loan to me, I now am not too pleased you are here. My 1955 built building does not have central AC. Therefore, I need to go splurge at Target and buy a damn AC unit. But, I really don't have $300 to spend on comfort. The only reason I will probably go purchase one tonight after kickboxing is so my dog will not overheat in my sauna of an apartment. I don't mind being uncomfortable, but heaven forbid my dog is anything less than happy.

To the management of my apartment complex. Get the swamp cooler fixed in the hallway asap. No one is happy about it, and what the hell are you spending the HOA money on? Cocaine and Hookers? If so, please be sure to tell us residents when the coke/hooker party is, so we can adjust our calendars accordingly. I did not get the invite from last month, because obviously you had one in May when all of our water was shut down for 2 days. There is no other acceptable explanation.

Thanks!

FYIF - Escaping the Heat

2011-06-24T14:02:00.000-06:00

Hola Everyone!

FYIF! And in 2.5 short hours, it will be the weekend - BLISS!!! Headed out tonight, and up to the mountains for a very quick and impromptu weekend getaway (thanks for the invite D&J - you know I love the cabin).

If you are not from Denver, or if this is your first summer in Denver, you will be shocked to learn that it gets HOT. I mean 103 degrees hot. And my adorable apartment has NO AC.

Since its been a fairly mild summer thus far, I am not too concerned about about the heat (as of yet). However, this weekend, it will be approaching mid to high 90's. I will take 75 degrees in Silverthorne than 95 in Denver any day.

B took this photo of me with her new IPhone. Love hipstamatic prints! Won't you have a glass of wine with me on my friend, C's patio? She has a pretty shitty view of Denver - can't you tell?

My Walmart Bike

2011-06-23T11:21:00.000-06:00

Come on, its really cute, right? And how insanely ADORABLE would Cali look in that basket? AND it has a mug holder for my ~~vodka~~ coffee!!! And I can strap a ~~6 pack~~ cute blanket for the park on the back!

I would say that this was $129 well spent. Since I am much more of a Target addict, I was happy to find out that if I buy this bike online, my local Walmart will assemble it for me FOR FREE.

And N refuses to allow me to buy it.

Allergies, Walmart, and Old Man Creeps.

2011-06-22T11:32:00.003-06:00

So, I am back. And I feel like today is a word vomit kinda day, cause we all know that I LOVE Wednesdays (barf in my mouth). But, in the interest of updating you all on my life, here is a quick synopsis.

N and I are back together. I know, I know, you all are like, WTF LivDenver? on my ass, but hear me out. N maned up. He came to me early May, said he made a major mistake, and has been on a "win back LivDenver" kick. And it has worked. I am INSANELY happy and have a stupid smile on my face all the time now. I needed to give it some time in order to make sure that this is something that I want, and that I was just not quite ready to share with you, blog world, but the good news is that I am back, and I am happier than ever, and that this is what I want. I read over the old posts I had about N. I considered taking them down, but you know what - it was how I felt at the time, and those posts really helped some people. So, I am leaving them up. I actually don't know if N read them, but that is entirely up to him. He is more than aware of how sad I was and how hurt and angry I was. And he is making it up to me. So, don't worry, he has atoned for his sins, and we are moving on together. Hand in Hand. I am so excited for the future, and yes, I have forgiven him for the past. I have to in order to move on to the future that we both are looking forward to. But, being with him in the now is providing a form of peace and happiness I have not had in the past 10 months. Therefore, there will be more posts with N in them, but this one is not about that. (Well, now it isn't. Now it's going to be about tractors, trade show douche bags, and fucking allergies.)

Tractors rock so hard. I was in Chicago for work, and decided to extend my trip so I could hang out with my lovely friend B and her hubby, G. B's father restores old tractors for a hobby. On fathers day, we were in the burbs, driving tractors in cul de sacs, and drinking beers. IT WAS AWESOME SAUCE. Check out the video below - I kicked major ass on that tractor. Since this is something that I never had growing up, I thought it was a riot. If you look at the video, you can see that we are in an extremely upscale neighborhood, driving tractors down the streets, and causing a ruckus. I would love to pull up to Chow (a local restaurant) in my hometown on that thing. Epic.

Hey, Old Man Trade Show Creepers - guess what? Coming up to my booth, insulting the hell out of my benches and telling me I have a "perfect ass" at 9 am on a Wednesday morning IS NOT GOING TO GET YOU LAID!! Do you really think that I am going to take my pants off after you made me feel uncomfortable, awkward, and downright disgusted? Oh, and walking past my booth 20 times to "go get water" is obvious buddy. PS- your daughter is probably my age, you perv.

Foster the People rocks. I need to continue to listen to my seester when it comes to music. That lady is one of those psychic music listeners. But, sometimes she can be that girl that is all "Oh, I listened to them 2 years ago, before they were cool." Even though she is right, it can still be obnoxious.

Allergies are the bane of my existence. I feel awful when I am blowing my nose and then shaking people's hand. Even though I am not actually sick, I still feel really guilty and gross. Think about how many people have said "Oh, it's just allergies" in your office, and then you have E. Coli the next day. I don't want to be that girl.

You know how I posted this - well call me a LIAR LIAR, PANTS ON FIRE. I am so slammed with work. It's great, but I will take the under utilized and over paid anytime.

I feel that the outfit/hair I was going for today in my head was more "Whitney Port/Nod to the early 90's while keeping it in the 'now' look". In reality, it may be more "Isn't that what Christina Applegate wore in 'Don't Tell Mom The Babysitter's Dead' movie?" Cest La Vie. At least I can still yell "I'm right on top of that Rose!" without even a hint of irony today. And that alone just made this outfit worth it.

I need to stop spending money. Apparently I am thinking a money tree lives in my checking account, and the credit card debt I have accumulated is just a silly number. I hate being a responsible adult.

I feel like I am one of those people that always has little shit that needs to be taken care of, and I just procrastinate on it until it becomes big shit. I finally fixed my windshields chip the other day, and it's been there for a year. My dog got her rabies vaccination 2 months ago - I just renewed her license for Denver. I have to get my car registered, but I have to go to the actual DMV versus the mail in option, cause I moved. My keurig has been broken for over 3 months - I STILL have not called them to get a new one, and my warranty is up in a month. Again, I HATE being a responsible adult. It's a load of crap.

I heart cooking. My bestie, C, worked the Aspen food and wine festival over the last 2 weeks. She brought me back Kitchen Aid toys. I AM SO HAPPY! Thanks C!

Watch Game of Thrones. Oh, and True Blood is back. I love HBO.

K- Please get back from Denmark. I am so over you being gone, and I would like for you to come back right this instant. Oh, and bring me something awesome. kthx.

I did not ride my bike to work today. Wanna know why? I DON'T OWN A BIKE. So, all you cool people who own bikes who are all "I rode my bike to work today" on facebook can suck it. Wanna know why I don't own a bike? Read this. Except, now I want to get a cruiser bike with a basket so I can put Cali in the basket, and be in adorable skirts riding around in Wash Park. This vision has come from Rachel McAdam in "Wedding Crashers" when they ride bikes to the beach. And the bike I want is only $100 at Walmart. N refuses to let me purchase a Walmart bike. He says they are cheap and his girlfriend will NOT ride a cheap bike. I think that I am going to want to ride this bike a grand total of 2 times, so I think that $50 a ride is way more reasonable than spending upwards of $400 on a bike. Why only 2 times, you ask? I have a feeling that my bike riding fear will come back and I already see Cali trying to jump out of the basket on our first ride, me swerving to not hit her, and skinning my knee. You know what - I don't think I want a bike anymore...

On a totally related note - HAPPY BELATED FATHERS DAY DAD!

Driving Tractors

2011-06-21T12:19:00.000-06:00

Hey Everyone, Yes, I am STILL ALIVE!

2011-06-03T14:45:00.000-06:00

WTF LivDenver, is it really June 3rd?!?!? I have no clue where time has gone. Number one - how is it already June 3rd - this means that 2011 is halfway over. I swear, I was writing down notes the other day at work, and when I went to date them, I wrote 5/22/10. Ummm, the fact that I am still dating items in the 2010 range tells you how NOT ready I am for this year to be half over.

I guess I kinda owe you all a lot of updates on my life, don't I? Well, for starters, I am healthy, my dog is healthy, and I am thrilled it's summer. My apartment could not be any better, and (thankfully) my whole family is healthy and happy as well! In fact, we just had a recent addition - my cousin had ANOTHER miracle child born on Friday, May 13th, 2011. Ivy Belle Black. And she is quite the looker. (As you recall, her older brother was born on Halloween, so I think that Friday the 13th is almost too perfect of a birth date for little Ivy.)

As for work, I have been traveling, traveling and more traveling (thus the unexplained long absences). I was in Vegas for a week in May, and will be in Chicago for 10 days in June. Then, I slow down until the end of July. Work is going well - things are picking up, and I am loving the trade show circuit. Again, not so fun on the trade show circuit - the awkward 10 am blatant pick up lines. That's a whole other post...

The love life is going swimmingly actually, and there is HUGE news on that front, however I am not quite ready to blog about it yet, as there are still some people I have to tell in person (or on the phone). But, just know that I am sublimely happy and that everything happens for a reason.

I am very excited for summer to be starting. Not only will I be traveling for work, I have some great vacations planned! San Diego in July, Michigan wedding August, MEXICO (August) and some camping trips in between. This weekend alone, I am headed to Lakeside (a VERY OLD amusement park in Denver), rock climbing in Boulder, out downtown, and City Park Jazz on Sunday. I love this city/state!!!

Since I have not blogged in a very long time, I thought you all deserved something. Sorry it's not super witty or funny, but I swear, I will give you some good stories over the next week. Have a kick ass weekend everyone!

Kisses and Vodka,
Liv

C O U R..... rrrrrrrrrrr you going to the mall later, is what I was asking....

2011-05-19T13:52:00.001-06:00

Pet Peeve: Misspelled facebook status updates. So, when a friend, who is also a TEACHER, uses the wrong "there" in a sentence (referring to a photo, stating that "There so cute!" versus the CORRECT "They are" or "They're") I then understand why today's youth insists on using teen text speak. If their teacher can't even get it right, why should they?

And the idiot of the day award goes too....

Why Yes, I DID PAINT THAT!

2011-05-18T12:35:00.000-06:00

Hey Readers,

Remember when I told you I was starting my painting classes back in October? Well, I have continued on with them, and this is my latest masterpiece. This bad boy took me over 8 hours to complete, but I love it, and I am thrilled with the results. The low res photo does not do it a ton of justice, but I think it turned out pretty great, and its DENVER!!! I think I may have to take some hi res photos, and put this as my new blog banner. Whatta think?

Oh, and I gots to plug my fabulous teacher - Aimee. Check her out on her blog and she is awesome for one on one classes. So, if you want to be an epically awesome painter like me, go take classes from Aimee!

Sorry about the rant yesterday - how about Harry Potter to brighten your Wednesday?

2011-05-18T10:20:00.000-06:00

Dear Dodgers Fans

2011-05-17T08:01:00.000-06:00

Dear Dodger Fans at the Rockies/Giants Game Last Night,

You are fucking assholes and I hope you rot in hell. It's not enough that "your kind" beat the shit out of one of our fans - a father of 2, a paramedic, and someone who was just there to support his team that was ACTUALLY PLAYING at your shithole of a stadium in LA. No, now you fucking douche bags have to show up at games WHERE THE DODGERS AREN'T EVEN PLAYING and talk shit to all the Giants fans in the visitors section. Good lord Dodgers - Even Yankee/Sox fans are more respectful than you are. And that's saying something.

Guess what - if Sacramento is the "armpit" of California, that makes you the taint. Take your fucking white sunglasses, your $600 Prada button down shirt, and your wing tipped D&G shoes, and shove them where the sun don't shine. Maybe in LA it is acceptable for you to wear this shit to games, but guess what - THIS ISN'T LA, and YOUR TEAM WAS NOT FUCKING PLAYING.

Now, if the Giants and the Dodgers were playing each other, I welcome the banter. I enjoy sparring with you. I will go head to head on facts with you. However, when you are at a GIANTS/ROCKIES GAME, let's just keep the lame ass blue hats at home, OK? Oh, and show some respect. Although, I don't think that you even know that word in LA. At least the Jersey Shore cast knows what respect means, and if the Jersey Shore cast is smarter than you, then I am concerned about the well being of Southern California as a whole.

Kisses & Vodka,

Liv

PS - That whore of a girlfriend you were with - if you can afford a $600 Prada shirt, at least buy her some jeans are aren't from Guess, and are maybe a couple sizes bigger. Yep, I went there.

Word Vomit

2011-05-11T10:56:00.000-06:00

Hey, Its Wednesday. Fuck Wednesdays. And it's raining. So, naturally, my internal monologue has been running a mile a minute so I can think about NOT being stuck in this crappy weather.

-I saw "Something Borrowed" this weekend. Word of advise - if you hated the book, you are most likely going to hate the movie. I hated this book, so why the hell did I think the movie was going to be anything different? I do want to go see Water For Elephants. Read that book, and it rocks.

-R. Pattinson is so beautiful. I still lust after him in HP. Speaking of which, they had the FINAL installment of HP as a preview before Something ~~Crappy~~ Borrowed. OMFG. It looks totally epic, and I cannot wait to see it in July.

-My friend K is a math teacher. We were drinking and talking on Saturday, and she said that she thinks of things in a mathematical way. And that her view of the world always has to do with numbers. How cool is that? My view of the world - I believe I read it. I make up a ton of stories in my head about people I see, or what my dog is thinking. These stories are awesome. I probably should write them down, and then get paid a bajillion dollars for my phenomenal book ideas. Anyone want to fund this for me?

-I hate the rain. Rain is SO unproductive. At least you can do things with snow. Like make snow penises, or throw snow balls at people. Rain - not so much. Thunder and lightening, however, are pretty fucking cool. I love listening to thunderstorms when going to bed. It's probably my favorite sound on my "sound machine" alarm clock. Hey - I live right next to a major street. If I opened my window to listen to the actual rainstorm, I would hear sirens and bums instead. While entertaining at times, it is certainly not the most conducive sleeping environment.

-Went to a body pump class last night. OMG little girl trainer who can lift more than her weight? I mean, COME ON! I am way bigger than you, and am sweating balls trying to lift next to nothing. Bullshit, I tell you.

-The Voice. Cee Lo Green's T-Rex Arms. What. The. Fuck. Do you think he was maybe a "little person" who was stretched as a child, and they just forgot to do his forearms? I totally think so. I watched this special on TLC a long time ago about stretching and dwarfism. Looked insanely painful. I bet Cee Lo was like, dude - my legs are done. ENOUGH. I will rap, make a bajillion dollars, and get laid regardless. My T-Rex arms will be no match to my bank account. Bitches will love me anyway. And, I bet that some of them will even like my miniature arms. Cause if I was Cee Lo, that's what I would think. But, I would take Cee Lo's t-rex arms over ~~Xtina~~ Christina Aguleria's pancake makeup any day.

-I leave Animal Planet on my TV in my room for my dog. I think that if I was her, I would want to watch "People Planet" all day long if I was stuck in a room. Then I realized that "People Planet" is just regular tv. But, people planet would be really boring reality TV, right? Or it would be the Nat Geo channel, which is actually pretty awesome. Have you SEEN Taboo - those people are super fucked up!

-I wish I could remember the conversation I had with my neighbor last week. We were drinking margaritas on Cinco De Mayo, and I was ~~drunk~~ tipsy, and it was HI-LARIOUS! Have you ever had a drunken conversation, and thought to yourself "I have to remember this conversation!" and then all you remember is you reminding yourself to remember, but nothing else? No? Just me?

-I want to participate in a game night with people who are just as fiercely competitive as me. Cause, when you are playing game night, and you are the only competitive person, people look at you like you are a freak. Or, even if you are in a group that is mostly competitive, but then there is that one person that just "does not care", i get irked. Like, super irked. Because they make me feel like a piece of shit for wanting to win. ISN'T THAT THE POINT OF GAMES???

Mint Juleps and a One Year Old Birthday Party

2011-05-06T11:05:00.000-06:00

It's really awkward to pose with large hats...

Headed to the Springs tomorrow to celebrate one of the cutest 1 year olds I know... and the party is Derby themed. Therefore, it will be cocktails and children. An excellent and responsible combination, if you ask me.

I need a chick.

2011-05-05T13:58:00.000-06:00

I have watched WAY TOO MANY youtube videos featuring adorable chicks and ducklings, and NOW I WANT ONE!

I don't really care for birds, persay, however I love these little sweet fuzzy balls of cuteness more than anything. I I am also pretty sure that Cali would not like it if I brought home one of these, or I think she would like it too much - as an appetizer. However, what I don't want is an actual chicken or duck. The grown up versions would #1 - remind me too much of what I like to eat, thus turning me vegetarian (which is a lifestyle LivDenver will adapt when dogs learn to fly). #2 - I watched "Friends". The Duck and the Chicken looked like a decent amount of work as a pet. But, if Joey could do it, so can I. #3 - their beaks freak me out. FREAK ME OUT.

I mean, what if I am sleeping peacefully, and my now grown chick/duck decides to come into my bedroom and pluck my eyes out with its razor sharp beak? Ok Ok, more reasonable for just the chicken to pluck my eyes out - ducks have flatter beaks. But they seem scary as shit. I also am not sure if my HOA in my apartment complex would be cool with me either owning this animal, or building a coop outside my apartment to house said animal.

I grew up with chickens in my family. My grandpa had a coop with 4 chickens named after my mom, my aunt, myself, and my sister. Do you know how hard it is to get rid of chickens when someone passes away, and you have to find them homes? Those chickens most definitely "went to a farm".

Bonuses of grown up chickens - eggs. Negative - You would have to keep a cock out of your hen house. And, I am most certainly not looking to keep cocks out of my hen house... (that's what she said)

Candy is my Kryptonite

2011-05-03T12:06:00.000-06:00

I have a ginormous sweet tooth. This is usually not a problem, as I try and minimize the sweets I keep in my apartment. I can have endless bags of chips, nuts and assorted salty foods at my place, and they will be there for weeks. I, in fact, just threw out a bag of chips that has been in my place since St. Patty's Day. However, you put me within 3 feet of a piece of candy, and I cannot help myself.

I work in a separate office off of our main office. Therefore, I have to go through the front door to talk to my boss. By the front door, there is this gorgeous red bowl overflowing with candy. Normally, this is not a problem. It usually full with the sucky Jolly Ranchers that no one wants, and so I can resist. All until last week.

Our executives from Italy are coming in next week, and so we stocked the fridge full of Pellegrino, and have started to fill the candy bowl full of goodness. Reece's Peanut Butter Cups, Now and Laters, Jaw Breakers, Double Bubble gum - you name it, that damn candy bowl had it. And, every time I go in the office, I have to grab something out of it. It's like a beacon calling my name. "LivDenver, come HERE - you KNOW you want a Now and Later! How about a Blow Pop? Just one won't hurt..."

By the end of the day, I have consumed the equivalent of 3 candy bars, and I go into a sugar coma. FML.

Mondays ROCK

2011-05-02T15:12:00.000-06:00

Not only am I coming back from an awesome vacation (which always makes Monday's worse), but my dog has been throwing up since 2 am, and I have a dentist appointment in 30 minutes.

Awesome sauce.

Ruminations as of late...

2011-04-28T11:37:00.001-06:00

I was packing last night for my trip, and as I pulled out my suitcase, I banged the shit out of my knee. I mean, I really hit it right on the funny bone. (if your knee can have a funny bone). Why is it called the funny bone? I am pretty sure it does not tickle when you hit your elbow. More like it kills.

I have yet to have a trip where I pack the exact right amount of clothing. I am either over, and have way too much, or under, and end up re-wearing dirty things. I don't think I know one person who has actually ever packed the EXACT right amount of clothing.

Royal Wedding Hype: Hey Guys, guess what? Girls have been planning their marriage since we were 5 years old. And when we were 5 years old, the groom was always a prince. Thus, we are watching a little girls dream come true. And she is doing it for all of us. So, give us some slack, OK? But, I will give you that this man may have gone a bit far.

When I am in the office, I keep my phone on silent. Mainly because my phone ring is so 2004. (Eric Pyrdz, Call On Me) Yea, I think it's an ironically awesome ring tone, but most people find it annoying. When I leave work, I forget to turn on the ringer. Therefore, I am continually missing calls/texts. I have a genius idea - lets have a timer for volume on phones, shall we? Oh, and if you have a fancy schmancy phone that does this already, I don't want to hear about it. My phone sucks the big one.

One of my pet peeves - misspelled words on facebook status updates. What did I do today? Misspelled "evening". HAND PALM FOREHEAD SLAP.

I take my dog to doggie daycare on Tuesdays or Wednesdays during the week so she can get some social interaction. I love the doggie daycare I bring her to, and they are very awesome with Cali. However, she literally, and I mean QUITE LITERALLY comes home covered in shit. Every time. And I have to give her a bath once a week. I wonder if my dog just looks for shit to roll in, or if she is being shoved into shit by other dogs. This makes me envision my dog on a playground, and the other bully dogs are telling her "Roll in my shit, and I won't take your lunch money." So, she rolls, and they take her lunch money anyway. Bitches.

The Macho Salad at Cherry Creek Grille is the most amazing salad ever.

Regretsy.com. Genius.

My best friend's younger brother just got engaged yesterday. I am super happy for him, but now I feel REALLY old that younger sibilings are getting engaged before I even have a boyfriend. And I am not even his biological sister. His older sister's solution - she drank. Smart Play L. I will help you out with that this weekend. His fiance - a gorgeous redhead. Which makes me happy, cause ginger babies are the cutest things ever. Right Hattie?

I love working on one of the busiest streets in Denver. Not because of the bums, but because I get to watch epic car accidents at work. It is my own personal Cops/High Speed Chase/NASCAR outside my office window. And everytime I hear the screeching, I hope to catch it happening in action. I miss it everytime, and when I miss it, I feel like Dane Cook. But, I don't have to find my shoes to go see the car accident. I get to have a birds eye view from my office. The best part - the whole office is in on it too. We all gather around to the best window view, and comment for at least a half hour. I always feel like I should raid the movie theater next door for popcorn, so we can have a light snack while watching the cops take down information.

I see an ocean in my near future...

2011-04-26T07:57:00.000-06:00

Hi Everyone - wow I have been MIA, huh? And what a LAME ASS POST below about the rain. I know you all expect better from me, and for that, I am sorry to let you down.

You know what I am not sorry about? I am going on a mini BEACH VACATION with the "L" ladies! OMG - 2 days and I will be in sunny so cal, drinking cocktails by our private pool, hanging out in a pimp ass condo (thanks Aunt and Uncle!), shopping, and most definitely putting my toes in the sand. This land locked lady needs the ocean like a crack addict needs a hit.

Is it Thursday yet?

Rain, Rain, GO AWAY

2011-04-21T12:00:00.000-06:00

UGGH, last time I checked, I moved OUT of the Bay Area to escape the abysmal rain that is the "winter season". Don't get me wrong - I LOVE a good summer thunderstorm. You are beneficial rain. You cool down the temperature, you provide for a nice crisp smell, and I love watching the lightening storms from my apartment. The coolest place to watch lightening storms was from my old residence at the glass house. 23 stories up and entirely glass walls, we had the most amazing views of the storms.

However, I am totally over this "no sun" thing in Denver. I want it to be back to my 300 days of sunshine. In fact, I would be shocked to hear if the suicide rate did not go up in the past couple of days. Us "Denverites" really don't appreciate more than 2 days of cloudiness. I want summer, I want warmth, and I want NO MORE RAIN!